so sleepy so early

So Chase calmed down. He is in bed. No major blowouts. We survived another day. How can I be falling asleep already? Its not even 9pm....

Oh and the psychiatrist is going to raise the risperdal dosage if things don't improve tomorrow. Otherwise, we may be headed for hospitalization #2.

Instability

Today at school, Chase had to be restrained, taken to the support room and was hardly in his classroom. The teacher is really worried. When he came home, he was displaying self harm behaviors and bad self-talk. Now I'm worried. Right this minute, he's doing ok, playing outside with another kid. But things change instantly.

I left a message for his doc. I'm waiting to hear back. I don't know what the week holds in store us.

Chocolate?!?!

Chase is doing his homework in his favorite pajamas.

Chase had a great day at school and was exhausted when he came home. I spoke with his teacher who said that he did well, except he refused to do any desk work. I feel a lot more comfortable now that his first day back went fairly smooth. He did his homework without arguing or getting frusterated.

Now what could finish off a good day but a delivery of chocolate? Anyone?!?!

School

Well Chase is on the bus on his way to school. I was planning on driving him to school but after talking to his case worker through Kaiser, decided to let him ride the bus. The sooner things are back to normal, the better. And Chase really missed riding the bus and never really had a problem on the bus before. So I'm prayin...

thyroid

Nothing new to really post today. Chase is doing well. His blood tests came back today. All his levels were fine but his Thyroid hormone was waaaay to high. No clue what that means or how it will be fixed, but GEEZ! give this kid a break! Now that he's "stable" his thyroid is out of whack?

Good night.

looking up

As I read over my blog from last night, I breathe a deep sigh of relief. Today was exhasutingly (is that even a word) pleasant. It started with Chase's blood test, then his psychologist, and then home for lunch. We relaxed for a while before I went to my on therapist appointment.

Yes, I acknowledge that I am struggling with very real situations. Mixed with a little depression can create a lot to cry about while talking to someone with a degree in listening. She reminds me a lot of the one I had throughout high school. Typical hippie style clothing, sandal looking shoes while still managing to look professional. I left the office feeling better.

Then Chase and I went to the library. I got some random books to read while in bed. **an aside...I have this strange dream to own hundreds of books someday on a bookcase that nearly take up a wall.**

Things always get harder when I pick Aimee up from preschool. She idolizes him. She missed him. Now that he's home, she wants his attention constantly and she will do whatever it takes to get it. He handled it well today. I could see him start to get amped up, many of the same behaviors before last nights rage. I gave him his emergency Trazodone. After that things calmed down, he "helped" me wash my car, which means he got squirted with the hose to cool off while I did all the work.

Once again Chase and I read more of the Prince and the Pauper. We remembered the tooth for the tooth fairy. BUT all the cash I had was a $5 bill....guess he's gonna think the price of teeth went up. I will never do THAT again.

I go back to work tomorrow. If anyone reading this knows of anyone local that could watch my kids sometimes (including Chase) while I go to work please have them contact me. Thankfully for the next month, I only work weekends...when Jared is SUPPOSED to have the kids. Babysitters have been doing a lot of filling in for him...

Time for bed. One day at a time. Yesterday was bad. Today was good. Tomorrow I get an 8 hour "break" when I go to work with 12 teen criminals in juvenile hall. Then I come home and drive my kids to Castro Valley to stay with family they adore. Gotta get through tomorrow. One day at a time.

Drained

Today was a good day.

And then evening came. Chase got "set off" by everything. There was nothing I could say to stop him from being irritable. He (we) tried to use his new coping skills, but even they were short-lived. The head banging continued today but I couldn't tell if it was for attention or that he couldn't stop. Ususally I can differentiate betweeen the two.

Gotta love it when your 6 year old starts raging in front of company. thanks to the psych hospital, Chase has added some new words to his vocabulary. If I have to hear him call me a "bitch" one more time, I might go hide under a rock. Oh and the icing on the cake was when the neighbor came to see if I was ok because he could hear Chase.

I got hit once in the face tonight. Nothing huge, but still scary. I am not going off the deep end here. This could be a fluke, or maybe I gave him his lunch medicine a little too early or something. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow he will forget that he called me a "fucking bitch" and maybe tomorrow I will forget how much it hurt.

Please don't even say "he doesn't mean what he says when he's raging." Duh. I know that. Its like saying sometimes a person holding a gun doesnt MEAN to shoot another person. Either way, the other person has a gun shot wound.

After Chase had lost his voice from screaming and he was all tired out, my sweet little angel came back. He wanted to put his tooth under his pillow for the tooth fairy and he asked me to read his favorite book of the week, Prince and the Pauper (Disney version of course!) He said that he wishes he could be like the prince and trade lives with someone who isn't bipolar.