stuff pics

Things are going well at home with both kiddos. I don't have much of an update today. I went to work and now just spending the evening relaxing in the warm house. Below is a bulletin board that I made for the kids. It contains our house rules, school day schedule and will soon have a list of coping skills and behavior charts.

Thanksgiving pics

Looking back at Thanksgiving yesterday, I wish I would have taken more pictures. I have an excuse though! I only stayed at my big brothers house for about an hour before leaving to go home. I worked the graveyard shift so I needed to get some sleep before work. We had a great time and the kids stayed after I left and drove home with Grandma. I feel so spoiled that the women in my family are such great cooks! All that turkey sure made it easy for me to take my nap before work.

Today was a pretty good day. It feels amazing to say that. One of my closest friends is encouraging me to look to God for comfort and strength during these hard times. For some reason when I struggle, is the time when I turn away from Him. Like I'm ashamed.

HE'S HOME! PICS

Chase came home today around lunchtime. The minute I took out the camera, both kids decided to "pose." They really do love each other. I have PROOF!!!

And this is how I look about 50% of the time at home. In pajamas working on a jigsaw puzzle with my Diet Coke and iPhone. Sexy huh?

I feel like my family is whole again. I noticed Chase got frusterated pretty easily today but each time was able to come out of it without a giant meltdown at all. At 7:30pm he told asked me to tuck him into bed and read his story. He was wiped out from an exciting day.

um ok

As we approach the one year anniversary of my dad's passing, I am shocked at the grief that still seems so raw and fresh. Is it normal to still cry everyday after a year?

On a good note, I am scheduled to pick Chase up from the hospital tomorrow at noon. So he will be home for Turkey Day!

I don't know how I'm going to keep going financially. The more overtime I work, the more I pay in childcare. My bank account is empty as soon as I get my paycheck. The tiny amount of child support I receive barely covers Chase's medicine copays. So now I'm staring at the bill from Chase's school for his school lunches for over $100 and the reality is, I can't pay it. What a nightmare. And even thinking of buying the kids Christmas presents from Santa seems impossible at this point. Can we please skip Christmas this year? Otherwise they are going to think Santa doesn't exist anymore. Ugh.

Time for bed. Woohoo

Pepsi and CABF

I NEVER do this but I'm reaching out to my readers. PLEASE take the time to vote for the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation (CABF) so they can win $250,000 from the Pepsi Refresh Everything Contest. They are holding strong in 5th place but need to move to 2nd to win the money. You can vote by clicking to the right on my page or go to www.refresheverything.com You can vote EVERYDAY on the website, on facebook AND thru text message on your phone. From your cell phone, text the number 104174 to PEPSI (73774). Please help out this amazing organization that has been such a useful tool and support during our struggle with this illness.

PS. Spoke with the case manager at the hospital and I will be picking up Chase on Wednesday at 11am. Please say a prayer that things go smoothly so he can be home for Thanksgiving.

Long update

A lot has happened since I last posted, even though its only been a few days. (As I sit here plugging my nose because I must have the ONLY cat in the world that farts constantly.)

Wednesday - Crazy busy day off. Met with Chase's outpatient psychiatrist to fill out my FMLA paperwork.

• Random fact #1 - He's such a good doc that he has now been promoted to Assistant CHIEF in the Walnut Creek clinic. I will drive our lazy butts all the way to Walnut Creek every week as long as he keeps Chase on his caseload.
• Random fact #2 - When a fantastic doc writes down the severity of your childs illness on paper, it hurts a lot more than if you just hear him say it. And yet it is the reality and I appreciate our doc for being so honest and willing to help with my paperwork.

Visited Chase in the evening and almost punched the receptionist in the face. Just kidding. Kinda.

Thursday - I went to the DMV to renew my drivers license and take a new picture. Spent the morning with my mom and Aimee. We went to the mall and had a lot of fun together. I worked my graveyard shift later than night and got hit with a nasty sinus infection.

Random fact #3 - If you have ANY sort of personality, the DMV will NOT hire you. You must only be a robot.

Friday - I came home from work and took a nice long nap. I spoke with Chase's doc at the hospital and she told me that she was going to increase the Seroquel over the weekend and probably send Chase home on wednesday. Then I went to MY doctor for my sinus infection. Once again the doctor was worried about my hemoglobin count. He sent me for more blood tests.

Random fact #4 - When a doctor mentions the work leukemia, eye rolling is probably not appropriate.

Saturday - I wasn't feeling well and didn't go to work. When I went to visit Chase in the evening, we spent a couple of hours drawing and just enjoying each other's company. Have I mentioned lately that my son is a really cool guy?

Random fact #5 - When you are 8 years old and 3 girls have a crush on you in the psych hospital, expect to get a cool nickname, like "Casanova."

Sunday - I finally went to work and had a good shift. Then I went to visit Chase. He seemed a little drowsy. I wasn't feeling too well so I didn't stay long. On my way home I thought I was going to puke so I pulled the car over. I ended up blacking out in the drivers seat on the side of the road for an unknown amount of time. Being the responsible adult that I am, I drove myself to the emergency room. They ran a million tests and came up with only the same results as friday. Iron level is dangerously low, folate level is way too high and two IV bags of fluids can really cure anything.

Random fact #6 - When a cause for fainting can not be found, roll onto your stomach and be prepared for a rectal exam. Yes I said rectal exam.

If you thought the rectal exam was not enough fun for the day.... Chase's hospital called to tell me that he had been raging, brought to the seclusion room and had to be sedated. Discharge on wednesday is less of a possibility now.

Monday - My arms look like a heroin user. I am a human pin-cushion. Not cute.

So there. I wonder what today will bring.

Documentary on tonite

Chase's documentary Bipolar Mysteries will air twice tonight on discovery health channel. Check your local listings as I have no more copies on DVD. Now I'm going to take a nap on my day off :-)

ER pic timeline

These are pics from our 23 hour stay at the ER....

10pm - Still wide awake

11pm - Still wide awake

2am - Finally fell asleep

6am - Got up to pee but barely made it back into bed

9am - Fast asleep

10am - This was our home for 23 hours

12pm - Still asleep

No real update for today. Chase had a great visit with grandma.

Hospital Update

Wed-Thurs - 23 Hours in Kaiser ER waiting for a bed

Fri - Chase got settled into the hospital (same as 7 times before) We played our favorite card game all evening. Geodon discontinued.

Sat - Seroquel started. Lots of ups and downs. Seemed a little "out of it." Played cards and worked a puzzle.

Sun - In the morning Chase complained of not feeling well. Fever of 103.7 and complained of a horrible headache. Slept most of the day. Fever never went below 102. No other symptoms. I had to wonder if it had to do with the Seroquel.

Mon - Chase had a 102.5 fever in the morning but able to eat breakfast and lunch. By the afternoon his fever was gone and he was feeling fine. He called me this evening and sounded happy and hopeful. We chatted about his dinner and the movie he watched.

I'm praying that Chase is well enough to come home very soon. I appreciate all your prayers and well wishes. Today at work I mentioned something to a coworker about Chase being in the hospital and she suggested that I'm too young to be going through all of this heartbreak. My only response was "If you knew Chase, you would know the bad days are NOTHING compared to the smiles he gives me. Although I hate his illness, it has made him compassionate and brave and has taught me to cherish each moment with him."

Halloween pics

Below are some pics I posted from Halloween. My mom came over in her costume to show the kids, isn't she beautiful? Chase's vampire teeth are green because he HAD to have the glow-in-the-dark teeth.

And below is a pic of our good friend Shannon and her beautiful new baby girl Tennessee. Chase was really great with her.

I can breathe now

After a marathon 23 hour stay in the Kaiser Emergency Room, Chase is now safely admitted to the psych hospital. Its about an hour from home but I get to visit him every day. He just called me on the phone and sounds excited that he knows a few of the kids and staff from previous stays. As much as I would love to complain about the failings of the community to provide appropriate placements for 5150'd CHILDREN, I don't have the energy. I work my graveyard shift in 8 hours so I need to go to bed for the first time in what seems like a few days. Thank you for the prayers and kind thoughts.

More info

We are in the San Francisco bay area. My email is ravenbug88@yahoo.com. I have a bit of a signal on my iPhone. Thanks for the well wishes.

5150

Sitting in the emergency room. They deemed chase 5150 at 2:30pm yesterday. However, there are no open beds in any child psych hospital in the bay area so 16 hours later we are still in the damned emergency room. What a nightmare.