Today was 100% hectic. Doctors all morning and then home.
I vacuumed downstairs 4 times. Yes, I said FOUR times! The kids (including Kevin) were in and out of the house all day.
Chase was in a great mood for most of the day. Unfortunately it ended with Chase having a big argument with his best friend. At some point, they both hit each other. Neither kid were hurt but I think both were shaken up.
I guess its bound to happen when you have two bipolar kids as best friends. Wouldn't trade it for anything. The boys need each other and somehow seeing another child's struggle reminds me what is the "illness" and what is just Chase being Chase.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
5 Months and pics
Tonight I realized that Chase has been out of the hospital for over 5 months! Woohoo!! His rages are less often and when he does rage, his violence is directed at THINGS and not PEOPLE. That is huge for us. We also haven't needed to call MRT in about a month.
Now if only I could get my insomnia under control. By the time I finally fall asleep, my kids are ready to get up!
Now if only I could get my insomnia under control. By the time I finally fall asleep, my kids are ready to get up!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
update
Guess its time for updates since I haven't posted in nearly a week.
Chase came home from Yuba City on Christmas Eve. He had a great time while he was there but was happy to come home. We tweaked his nightime dosage of Clonidine and he seems to be sleeping a bit better.
Aimee is the whiniest child ever! (not sure the spelling, but its pronounced Whine-e-ist) But when she isn't whining, she's hilarious and finally learning to speak so that others can understand her.
Christmas was bittersweet. The kids had a blast. They got a *tad* spoiled by family, friends and Santa. But my first Christmas without my dad was really hard.
I think that I'm finally starting to get back to normal (if I ever really am "normal").
Yesterday I turned 28. Why does that seem so much closer to 30 than 27 did?!?!?
After a whole night of asthma and breathing problems, I finally called the doc on my birthday morning. They made me go to the Emergency Room. After the best ER visit ever, I went home feeling a lot better and with new prescriptions. I've been breathing fine since. Doc doesn't know what triggered it since I'm not sick or anything. I'm supposed to go back to see my doc sometime later this week, but with my track record at follow up appointments.....
Then my boyfriend took me to Sacramento for the afternoon/evening. I enjoyed myself despite the gloomy weather. Tons of food, window shopping and having fun.
That's about it for now. Glad the holidays are nearly over. 2010 here we come!
Chase came home from Yuba City on Christmas Eve. He had a great time while he was there but was happy to come home. We tweaked his nightime dosage of Clonidine and he seems to be sleeping a bit better.
Aimee is the whiniest child ever! (not sure the spelling, but its pronounced Whine-e-ist) But when she isn't whining, she's hilarious and finally learning to speak so that others can understand her.
Christmas was bittersweet. The kids had a blast. They got a *tad* spoiled by family, friends and Santa. But my first Christmas without my dad was really hard.
I think that I'm finally starting to get back to normal (if I ever really am "normal").
Yesterday I turned 28. Why does that seem so much closer to 30 than 27 did?!?!?
After a whole night of asthma and breathing problems, I finally called the doc on my birthday morning. They made me go to the Emergency Room. After the best ER visit ever, I went home feeling a lot better and with new prescriptions. I've been breathing fine since. Doc doesn't know what triggered it since I'm not sick or anything. I'm supposed to go back to see my doc sometime later this week, but with my track record at follow up appointments.....
Then my boyfriend took me to Sacramento for the afternoon/evening. I enjoyed myself despite the gloomy weather. Tons of food, window shopping and having fun.
That's about it for now. Glad the holidays are nearly over. 2010 here we come!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Yuba City
Chase is still in Yuba City. Its so quiet around here without him. I keep having to remind myself to enjoy the calm but I miss my lil man. (Remind me that I said that when he's driving me nuts in a few days!)
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Dogs?
I'm missing Chase like crazy. He's having a great time with Rick and is having no behavioral problems. Makes me wonder if everything is my fault.
Aimee and I baked cookies tonight. We had a blast dancing in the kitchen while the cookies were baking.
I'm getting really attached to this silly dog, Sara. She's amazing with the kids and really mellows out Chase. She's one of Ricks FIVE dogs. Even my mom loves her. I'm seriously considering keeping her. Am I nuts?
I don't really feel like writing anything else.
Aimee and I baked cookies tonight. We had a blast dancing in the kitchen while the cookies were baking.
I'm getting really attached to this silly dog, Sara. She's amazing with the kids and really mellows out Chase. She's one of Ricks FIVE dogs. Even my mom loves her. I'm seriously considering keeping her. Am I nuts?
I don't really feel like writing anything else.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Ashes to Ashes
A few updates before its time for my "therapy."
Chase went with Rick, Uncle Kevin and Uncle Adam to Yuba City for the week. He comes home on tuesday. I'm so happy that they did this for him. Chase does so well when he's one on one with an adult, especially a male. Rick is such a positive male role model for Chase. We are so blessed. Even my dad told Rick how thankful he is that Chase has him.
Aimee is spending the night at my mom's house for the first time in probably 8 months (since my dad got really sick.) My mom will watch her tomorrow when I go to work.
We decided on a place for my dad's memorial celebration and I think its perfect. Email me if you want details.
Therapy Time:
I was doing okay today. Even though I knew that today we would be spreading my dad's ashes, I was doing okay.
And then I walked in my mom's (and dad's?) house. I went into their room. Something was missing. No - Not my dad. That one is WAY too obvious. My dad's white velcro shoes were not sitting neatly next to the bed. As I looked around the room I realized that they were gone. I crumbled to the floor sobbing about some stupid velcro shoes. My mom came in and hugged me on the floor. She told me that she didn't get rid of the shoes, that she put them in his closet. That didn't help.
Please don't think I'm a freak that thinks everything should be left as it was, as if my dad will be walking through the front door. But I'm not ready for such a tangible sign that he is really gone.
Fast forward a few hours. We [immediate family] went out on the water somewhere on a floating vessel with my dad's ashes. As we poured them (very legally of course), into the water the song "Amazing Grace" was playing in the background. After the ashes were in the water (far far away in a legal spot) my mom put a bouquet of flowers in the water. It was done exactly as my dad had hoped. So where is this closure that everyone says comes with that moment....
If anyone knows of any bible verses that might help me right now, please send them my way. I'm in such a deep place that I don't even know where to look.
Chase went with Rick, Uncle Kevin and Uncle Adam to Yuba City for the week. He comes home on tuesday. I'm so happy that they did this for him. Chase does so well when he's one on one with an adult, especially a male. Rick is such a positive male role model for Chase. We are so blessed. Even my dad told Rick how thankful he is that Chase has him.
Aimee is spending the night at my mom's house for the first time in probably 8 months (since my dad got really sick.) My mom will watch her tomorrow when I go to work.
We decided on a place for my dad's memorial celebration and I think its perfect. Email me if you want details.
Therapy Time:
I was doing okay today. Even though I knew that today we would be spreading my dad's ashes, I was doing okay.
And then I walked in my mom's (and dad's?) house. I went into their room. Something was missing. No - Not my dad. That one is WAY too obvious. My dad's white velcro shoes were not sitting neatly next to the bed. As I looked around the room I realized that they were gone. I crumbled to the floor sobbing about some stupid velcro shoes. My mom came in and hugged me on the floor. She told me that she didn't get rid of the shoes, that she put them in his closet. That didn't help.
Please don't think I'm a freak that thinks everything should be left as it was, as if my dad will be walking through the front door. But I'm not ready for such a tangible sign that he is really gone.
Fast forward a few hours. We [immediate family] went out on the water somewhere on a floating vessel with my dad's ashes. As we poured them (very legally of course), into the water the song "Amazing Grace" was playing in the background. After the ashes were in the water (far far away in a legal spot) my mom put a bouquet of flowers in the water. It was done exactly as my dad had hoped. So where is this closure that everyone says comes with that moment....
If anyone knows of any bible verses that might help me right now, please send them my way. I'm in such a deep place that I don't even know where to look.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
stuff
I miss my dad. So much. My mom is able to keep herself busy and masks her grief with "chores" and organizing the memorial celebration (scheduled for January 15). I find myself wondering what my dad would do or say about everything. So many times I end up laughing because I know what his responses would be. For example, I knocked my elbow on the table yesterday, HARD! He would have said, "What did you do that for? Better get some ice on it before it gets swollen and you can't move it!" Smart ass.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Good day
Seems as good a time as any to do my weekly update
Aimee
- Aimee is spending her days dressing her "babies" for different events. Cant leave the house in pajamas of course. Gotta put baby in a dress, etc etc. Super cute
- Aimee goes to preschool tomorrow but they have the Christmas show in the evening. Aimee really doesn't want to do it. Do I bring her anyway?
- We made sugar cookies today that turned into one big cookie the size of the cookie sheet. Still tasty!
Chase
- He is doing well. Incredible even. First basketball practice was a ton of fun. Chase was focused and smiled the entire time. We need to work on "chest passes" and dribbling technique. After the hour of practice, he wanted to stay! He would have practiced for another hour.
- Besides the daily homework struggles, Chase is doing well in school lately. The teacher says he's less aggressive and more willing to learn. Lots of fidgeting and whining, but those are minor things compared to past behaviors.
- Chase went to Grandma's house for the first time since Grandpa died. He looked into his room and started crying. My dad laid in the hospital bed in his room for 6 months and now it is empty. But we did find a little stuffed horse that Chase gave to grandpa to hold. Now he calls it the "Grandpa Horse"
- As much as I avoid talking about Jared...... Its very clear to me that his absence has made a huge difference in Chase's behavior. Chase is doing really well overall right now.
Everyone else
- Met with the investigator on my "case" at work. Good meeting and I feel like I can relax until I know what my punishment will be, if any.
- Great shift at work. The girls missed me.
- A true friend went above and beyond the "duties" as a friend. I've always known she'd be there for me. She has NEVER let me down. But what she did for me today went way beyond that. I am so thankful to have her in my life.
- Kevin and Rick are here and leave tomorrow night. That puts me in a bad spot for thursday night when I work my graveyard shift so I have to figure that out tomorrow.
- BUT it looks like they may come back here and take Chase back to Yuba City with them for a few days!!!!! It would be great for Chase and for me! Then I only need to worry about getting a babysitter for Aimee this weekend instead of both.
- I really am at peace with the loss of my father. But what exactly does that mean? Maybe I will elaborate on that thought on tomorrows blog.
Good night for now. Today was a good day.
Monday, December 14, 2009
nothing
Just wanted to say that I'm doing ok. However, I'm not in the mood to blog about anything. Back to work tomorrow.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Today
Mom, Dad and I skiing at about 5yrs old
My neice and nephew and my kiddos.
Today was harder than yesterday. Tonight I'm greiving with my mom, all curled up in bed.
Chase had a great week at school. I'm very proud of him.
Watched an episode of Dr. Phil about 2 bipolar girls and I have to say that I no longer will watch the show. He did an awful job trying to REALLY understand early onset bipolar disorder.
Going to bed now. Thank you for all of your prayers and kind words.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
My dad is gone...
My daddy passed peacefully on Wednesday December 9, 2009 at 9:06pm. May he rest in peace. As much as I will always miss him, I'm so thankful that he's no longer hurting.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Grandpa
I know this blog is about Chase and all of our adventures with our little family. BUT right now, my life is about my father. My life as a mommy is on hold while my life as a daughter is in the forefront.
Last night Chase came to say goodbye to his grandpa. The hospice doctor told me that saying goodbye can leave a child with an easier grieving process. Being fragile already, I want the process to go as smoothly as possible for Chase.
What I saw when my son entered the room has left me with a whole new respect and awe as a Child of God.
Chase peeked his head in the room and saw grandpa sleeping in the bed. He walked right up to the side of the bed and held his hand. As clear as day, Chase said, "I love you Grandpa. With all my heart." And then he looked at their hands holding each other, let go, and wrapped both of his arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. Then he looked at me and said, "I'm ready to go now."
As we walked to the door, he put his hand on the handle and paused. I heard a sob escape from his little body and by the time we were out the door, he was sobbing and tears were rolling down his pink cheeks.
God blessed Chase with such intuition, compassion and heart.
Last night Chase came to say goodbye to his grandpa. The hospice doctor told me that saying goodbye can leave a child with an easier grieving process. Being fragile already, I want the process to go as smoothly as possible for Chase.
What I saw when my son entered the room has left me with a whole new respect and awe as a Child of God.
Chase peeked his head in the room and saw grandpa sleeping in the bed. He walked right up to the side of the bed and held his hand. As clear as day, Chase said, "I love you Grandpa. With all my heart." And then he looked at their hands holding each other, let go, and wrapped both of his arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. Then he looked at me and said, "I'm ready to go now."
As we walked to the door, he put his hand on the handle and paused. I heard a sob escape from his little body and by the time we were out the door, he was sobbing and tears were rolling down his pink cheeks.
God blessed Chase with such intuition, compassion and heart.
Comfort
I'm sitting in the hospice house with my dad. Every moment is harder than the last. I've come to realize that peace can sometimes only come with comfort. I don't know how much longer he has in this world, but I do know that he will be comforted and peaceful when he leaves. Please pray for his comfort. And for peace for my mother.
Friday, December 4, 2009
sweet delirium and pics
After 24 hours of NO SLEEP, I'm happy to announce that today was a good day! (mostly)
I thought I'd add some pictures for your viewing pleasure, or maybe if you are just cranky and need to laugh at someone.
The two pics below were taken when Kevin (Lil bro) wanted me to wear the lines on my face like the football players. He didn't think I'd actually do it! But I got proof!
'
This next pic was taken of Chase on Thanksgiving. I'm usually pretty strict about dessert after dinner but my mom spoils Chase just a tad. Hence the cookie hanging out of his mouth before dinner.
And this last pic is the picture I sent to Termite and Pest Control. I guess they don't exterminate these kinds of pets. So they will have to just stay cuddled with me for a while. At least they defecate outside. Usually.
I thought I'd add some pictures for your viewing pleasure, or maybe if you are just cranky and need to laugh at someone.
The two pics below were taken when Kevin (Lil bro) wanted me to wear the lines on my face like the football players. He didn't think I'd actually do it! But I got proof!
'
This next pic was taken of Chase on Thanksgiving. I'm usually pretty strict about dessert after dinner but my mom spoils Chase just a tad. Hence the cookie hanging out of his mouth before dinner.
And this last pic is the picture I sent to Termite and Pest Control. I guess they don't exterminate these kinds of pets. So they will have to just stay cuddled with me for a while. At least they defecate outside. Usually.
My dad is really confused and scared. He was in so much pain that they upped his methadone and morphine and now he's mentally a mess. Makes my heart ache.
Took the kids to take professional pics with their older cousins, Sam and Zach. The pics turned out great. We will be giving them to my parents for Christmas. But if you are nice, I'll scan them and post them. Chase is so photogenic and really knows how to "work it."
Obviously I'm doing better tonight. Maybe the delirium has set in from not sleeping.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Today
Today will be a good day. Chase was okay this morning and slept well last night. I have a sleepy day since I work my graveyard shift tonight. I need today to be a good day...
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Too much
I am miserable today. Yesterday was awful. Issues with Jared and with my job. Big time issues with my job. Not sure what will happen.
Then last night I guess Kevin forgot to give Chase his meds. I got home from work at midnight and didn't sleep until about 2am because I was SO stressed. When I finally fell asleep, Chase was wide awake, woke up Aimee and wouldn't leave me alone. So about 1 hour of sleep last night. And to top it off, without his evening meds Chase was awful this morning. He was hyper and mean and moody. I was so happy when that bus came driving down the street...
Once again, bad mom award goes to Kristen.
Then last night I guess Kevin forgot to give Chase his meds. I got home from work at midnight and didn't sleep until about 2am because I was SO stressed. When I finally fell asleep, Chase was wide awake, woke up Aimee and wouldn't leave me alone. So about 1 hour of sleep last night. And to top it off, without his evening meds Chase was awful this morning. He was hyper and mean and moody. I was so happy when that bus came driving down the street...
Once again, bad mom award goes to Kristen.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
phew
Chase had a great day at school and on the bus! One big sigh of relief. PHEW!
Tuesday (today) I will be calling his therapist to make an agreement for when/if Chase needs to be hospitalized. I think having a plan in place will make me feel better.
I went out on a date with my boyfriend tonight. We saw the movie, Precious. I'm not sure how the majority of my social group would feel about it, but it hit me pretty hard. I work with kids like Precious everyday. I know them, feel for them and care about them. Well most of them. There are some that are awful.
Working the 3-11 shift this evening. Guess I should try for more sleep.
Tuesday (today) I will be calling his therapist to make an agreement for when/if Chase needs to be hospitalized. I think having a plan in place will make me feel better.
I went out on a date with my boyfriend tonight. We saw the movie, Precious. I'm not sure how the majority of my social group would feel about it, but it hit me pretty hard. I work with kids like Precious everyday. I know them, feel for them and care about them. Well most of them. There are some that are awful.
Working the 3-11 shift this evening. Guess I should try for more sleep.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
boyfriend, MRT and Thankful
First thing I want to say. I am so thankful for my family and friends. I feel supported, loved, and most importantly, I feel like my children have people in their lives that KNOW them and will always be there for them. I have the peace of knowing that if something were to happen to me, my children would be taken care of and loved by our whole little "village."
Today was a pretty good day. I took an FMLA day today. Chase is on edge. Even the neighbors are commenting on Chase's fragility right now.
I had MRT come out again this afternoon. Not a crisis situation, but more of a proactive action. Lindsey from MRT talked to me for a bit and then spent a lot of time with Chase. I was able to cook a real dinner. That's a big deal in my house. Sometimes things are so rough that I don't bother, and we microwave stuff.
But today was good. And my boyfriend came over and I expressed my main concerns about our relationship. They all center around Chase, and his son who is the same age and neurotypical. I'm jealous. I want Chase to have a normal childhood. I am afraid I will start resenting my boyfriend. I don't want that. This man loves me and refuses to consider my children as "baggage." He adores them both and wants to learn more and more about bipolar and mental illness. Chase's dad didn't even take that much time on his own son.
I don't have much else to say. Chase goes back to school tomorrow. I'm praying that things will stabilize once his routine is back in place.
Today was a pretty good day. I took an FMLA day today. Chase is on edge. Even the neighbors are commenting on Chase's fragility right now.
I had MRT come out again this afternoon. Not a crisis situation, but more of a proactive action. Lindsey from MRT talked to me for a bit and then spent a lot of time with Chase. I was able to cook a real dinner. That's a big deal in my house. Sometimes things are so rough that I don't bother, and we microwave stuff.
But today was good. And my boyfriend came over and I expressed my main concerns about our relationship. They all center around Chase, and his son who is the same age and neurotypical. I'm jealous. I want Chase to have a normal childhood. I am afraid I will start resenting my boyfriend. I don't want that. This man loves me and refuses to consider my children as "baggage." He adores them both and wants to learn more and more about bipolar and mental illness. Chase's dad didn't even take that much time on his own son.
I don't have much else to say. Chase goes back to school tomorrow. I'm praying that things will stabilize once his routine is back in place.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Clarify...
Just to clarify -
Chase has spent 105 days in the psych hospital in 2009. I am aware of the good and bad sides. I would NEVER put him there again if I wasn't afraid that someone (himself, Aimee or I) will be hurt. If I am not proactive here... well I'm scared to think of it. I can't have the cops taking my son away. Talk about traumatic...
The reason I pulled our family out of the 20/20 story was because I felt like they were exploiting Chase and sensationalizing the illness. The producer left the 20/20 story also and is determined to make a story that will be different from others. I have full confidence in her and would never do anything to make my sons struggle even worse. If no one makes the RIGHT story about this illness, how will people even begin to understand?!?!
I'm not trying to be argumentative. We have to do everything in our power to protect our babies. I appreciate all support and suggestions. But I am well educated and work in the juvenile justice system with bipolar teens everyday and am determined to see Chase succeed.
Chase has spent 105 days in the psych hospital in 2009. I am aware of the good and bad sides. I would NEVER put him there again if I wasn't afraid that someone (himself, Aimee or I) will be hurt. If I am not proactive here... well I'm scared to think of it. I can't have the cops taking my son away. Talk about traumatic...
The reason I pulled our family out of the 20/20 story was because I felt like they were exploiting Chase and sensationalizing the illness. The producer left the 20/20 story also and is determined to make a story that will be different from others. I have full confidence in her and would never do anything to make my sons struggle even worse. If no one makes the RIGHT story about this illness, how will people even begin to understand?!?!
I'm not trying to be argumentative. We have to do everything in our power to protect our babies. I appreciate all support and suggestions. But I am well educated and work in the juvenile justice system with bipolar teens everyday and am determined to see Chase succeed.
Friday, November 27, 2009
breakdown
We made it through Thanksgiving. No hospital. No police.
I had a little breakdown tonight, but thanks to family, friends and MRT, I survived.
I had a little breakdown tonight, but thanks to family, friends and MRT, I survived.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
hospital?
Chase is not doing well. Today (wednesday) was a nightmare. Chase started raging in the middle of the street with Kevin. I was able to get him home and on our way up the stairs, he shoved me and I fell down 1/2 a flight of stairs. At this point, I feel like hospitalization might be necessary. I was lucky I wasn't hurt more than I was and it could have easily been Aimee. Someone will be getting hurt. I'm scared. I am going to try to make it through Thanksgiving.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
AWOL
I'm AWOL for a few days. Working too much when I can. And right now I can since Kevin is helping me with the kids. Chase is still having a hard time. My poor baby. At least Thanksgiving will distract him. And maybe remind us all that we have so much to be thankful for.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Monsters and Eggshells
More lists from crazy list girl....
- Aimee is so clingy right now that I can't even pee without her coming in the bathroom with me!
- On the up side, Aimee is now called "Baby Monster" and I am "Mommy Monster"
- Chase is very edgy right now. We are seriously walking on eggshells here.
- I'm not looking forward to next week. School breaks and any change in routine can really screw with Chase's mood and cycles. At least the weather will be nice. Lots of outside time.
- Kevin and I cooked dinner for the kids and Rick. Not too shabby!
- I'm looking forward to seeing my niece on Thanksgiving. She's off at college in So Cal and I miss her!
- I'm avoiding my own mother. She's the one person that will always see through my smile. To my innermost thoughts/fears/obsessions. Am I protecting her? Or myself?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Scissors
Chase stole scissors from the classroom today and took them on the bus. Another kid pissed him off and he put the scissors to the kids throat and threatened to kill him. That's all I have to say right now.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
More CPS + other stuff
CPS went to Chase's school to interview him. He talked to her a little bit but then shut down. Later, the school psychologist was able to join the interview and helped him open up. I'm still in the dark about any details, nor would I share them in here.
The latest info I have is that we can expect to have ALL visitation with Jared suspended probably until the Jan 1 or so. I'm glad that my kids will not have to be somewhere that they dont want to be. But I'm stressing because I work weekends and he usually had the kids while I worked. Ugh
On the up side, Chase and Aimee are thrilled not to be spending the weekend/holidays with their dad for a while. Sad.
We had a "Neighbor Dinner" tonight. We did the cooking at my house and then ate at Tamara's house next door. When my kids got tired we just went home. It reminds me of a dream I used to have with my best friends Lindy and Lindsay when we were kids. Buy houses right next to each other and have the kids roaming between the two houses. A real sense of community and family. And I have it all. Plus Jim next door who is helpful when I need odds and ends done around here. And he's a great cook.
Today I got an email from Sarah who is producing the independent film that Chase is involved in. Discovery Channel saw the trailer and picked it up! They will be here to film starting Nov. 30. The show will air during the first week of may for Mental Health Awareness Week.
I am so thankful for today.
The latest info I have is that we can expect to have ALL visitation with Jared suspended probably until the Jan 1 or so. I'm glad that my kids will not have to be somewhere that they dont want to be. But I'm stressing because I work weekends and he usually had the kids while I worked. Ugh
On the up side, Chase and Aimee are thrilled not to be spending the weekend/holidays with their dad for a while. Sad.
We had a "Neighbor Dinner" tonight. We did the cooking at my house and then ate at Tamara's house next door. When my kids got tired we just went home. It reminds me of a dream I used to have with my best friends Lindy and Lindsay when we were kids. Buy houses right next to each other and have the kids roaming between the two houses. A real sense of community and family. And I have it all. Plus Jim next door who is helpful when I need odds and ends done around here. And he's a great cook.
Today I got an email from Sarah who is producing the independent film that Chase is involved in. Discovery Channel saw the trailer and picked it up! They will be here to film starting Nov. 30. The show will air during the first week of may for Mental Health Awareness Week.
I am so thankful for today.
Monday, November 16, 2009
CPS visit
Sometimes I think I write in lists so I have an excuse not to write complete sentences. Here are some random fragmented thoughts from today:
1. Last night Aimee didn't sleep. 11pm-3am wide awake, loud, crying, yelling, talking and not letting Chase sleep. (In other words, I'm exhausted today)
2. Kevin and Rick left this morning. They left 2 of the puppies here to keep me entertained. Boo and Cocoa. Stupid rat dogs that I love to cuddle with....
3. CPS came to the house today to discuss the allegations against Jared. Jared CANNOT have visitations until the investigation is over. Wow. I'm a little shocked but not surprised. Oh and now what do I do on the weekends while I need to work?!?!
Between my constant headaches and sleep deprivation, I'm going to bed while trying not to cry. Overwhelmed.
1. Last night Aimee didn't sleep. 11pm-3am wide awake, loud, crying, yelling, talking and not letting Chase sleep. (In other words, I'm exhausted today)
2. Kevin and Rick left this morning. They left 2 of the puppies here to keep me entertained. Boo and Cocoa. Stupid rat dogs that I love to cuddle with....
3. CPS came to the house today to discuss the allegations against Jared. Jared CANNOT have visitations until the investigation is over. Wow. I'm a little shocked but not surprised. Oh and now what do I do on the weekends while I need to work?!?!
Between my constant headaches and sleep deprivation, I'm going to bed while trying not to cry. Overwhelmed.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
sad
Chase was miserable this morning. Angry and irritable and teary-eyed. He really didn't want to go to his dads. But until CPS or the court do anything, I can't deny him his weekends with them. No matter how worried I get or how sad Chase is.
pics, good day and FAQ's
Aimee loves her guinea pig "Flower." He has gotten SO big!
Chase on one of many trips to the library.
Chase had his best day ever at school so far this YEAR!!!!! Mama couldn't be any prouder! He jumped off the bus smiling and skipping up to me. So for a treat, I let him pick dinner. I'd cook whatever he wanted or we could go to dinner somewhere that he likes. My little stinker picks McDonald's. Its all about the chocolate shakes, ya know? Oh and the bus driver found Chase's Nintendo DS. Thank Goodness!
Chase on one of many trips to the library.
Chase had his best day ever at school so far this YEAR!!!!! Mama couldn't be any prouder! He jumped off the bus smiling and skipping up to me. So for a treat, I let him pick dinner. I'd cook whatever he wanted or we could go to dinner somewhere that he likes. My little stinker picks McDonald's. Its all about the chocolate shakes, ya know? Oh and the bus driver found Chase's Nintendo DS. Thank Goodness!
_________________________________________The link below has a great list of FAQ's for juvenile
bipolar. Check it out and feel free to make a donation so they
can do more research studies on kids like Chase.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
zoned out
Chase was pretty out of it all day. Depressed/tired/zoned out. I believe it had something to do with his talks with the therapist yesterday regarding Jared.
I'm going to bed early. It will probably be a night of tossing and turning for me.
I'm going to bed early. It will probably be a night of tossing and turning for me.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
CPS report
1. Chase's therapist filed a CPS report on Jared. I don't know the exact contents, but it has to do with physical abuse. I'm so upset that it has come to this. Chase has enough to deal with, without being abused or watching his sister be abused. I pray it is all just an exaggeration but I doubt it.
2. Kevin is back. (Kevin is the 22yr old "brother" that is amazing with Chase.) I'm starting to think of him as the "Chase Whisperer." Chase looks up to him so much. Its great to have Kevin around so I can get a little break here and there.
3. My boyfriend met my parents. My parents like him but are concerned that he was quiet. He is pretty shy at first and was REALLY nervous to make a good impression on my dad. Now I hope that he really did like them.
I am so thankful for my friends and family. That seems to be a constant theme in our lives this year. It takes a village....
2. Kevin is back. (Kevin is the 22yr old "brother" that is amazing with Chase.) I'm starting to think of him as the "Chase Whisperer." Chase looks up to him so much. Its great to have Kevin around so I can get a little break here and there.
3. My boyfriend met my parents. My parents like him but are concerned that he was quiet. He is pretty shy at first and was REALLY nervous to make a good impression on my dad. Now I hope that he really did like them.
I am so thankful for my friends and family. That seems to be a constant theme in our lives this year. It takes a village....
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
anorexia
Somehow I survived my "day off."
Chase had a rough day. His language is awful. Lots of cussing and mean things said under his breath. I hate that because despite his mental illness, I have always counted on the fact that he has such a good heart. Now it seems like he's becoming jaded and negative. I want my sweetie back.
This evening was great considering how hard his day was. We sat at the dinner table and talked about superheroes. Then Aimee and Chase made a "clubhouse" in the playroom. Then we made banana bread and watched "Spy Kids." No meltdowns. No arguements. But we didn't even attempt the homework. Bad mom award for me.
I've gained a lot of weight. Like 20lbs since August. For anyone that knows me (and everyone else after this), gaining weight is harder on me than most people. I have a 15 year history of anorexia, so gaining weight for no reason is a HUGE trigger for old habits. So far I am staying strong but so many of my thoughts are starting to revolve around food/weight/control. I know you all will say "see a therapist. avoid relapse. seek help." And I will. When I have time. Until then I will just control my behaviors and try to distract myself from the thoughts. At least I have two "all consuming" kids to distract me.
Chase had a rough day. His language is awful. Lots of cussing and mean things said under his breath. I hate that because despite his mental illness, I have always counted on the fact that he has such a good heart. Now it seems like he's becoming jaded and negative. I want my sweetie back.
This evening was great considering how hard his day was. We sat at the dinner table and talked about superheroes. Then Aimee and Chase made a "clubhouse" in the playroom. Then we made banana bread and watched "Spy Kids." No meltdowns. No arguements. But we didn't even attempt the homework. Bad mom award for me.
I've gained a lot of weight. Like 20lbs since August. For anyone that knows me (and everyone else after this), gaining weight is harder on me than most people. I have a 15 year history of anorexia, so gaining weight for no reason is a HUGE trigger for old habits. So far I am staying strong but so many of my thoughts are starting to revolve around food/weight/control. I know you all will say "see a therapist. avoid relapse. seek help." And I will. When I have time. Until then I will just control my behaviors and try to distract myself from the thoughts. At least I have two "all consuming" kids to distract me.
NON day off
Chase had an ok day today. I had a rough day at work. I'm hoping tomorrow is better for the both of us. But sometimes I get overwhelmed with the constant therapies, sessions, doctors and groups.
Wednesday (My ONE day off):
6:45am Chase bus
8am Aimees Preschool
9-11am Wraparound Meeting (I am going to shorten it to 10am if he lets me)
11am Take Howie out to go potty at Mere's house
1pm Going to the IEP for Tamara's son, A.
3:30pm Chase's bus
4pm Pick up Aimee
Guess with all of this, its time for me to go to sleep.
Wednesday (My ONE day off):
6:45am Chase bus
8am Aimees Preschool
9-11am Wraparound Meeting (I am going to shorten it to 10am if he lets me)
11am Take Howie out to go potty at Mere's house
1pm Going to the IEP for Tamara's son, A.
3:30pm Chase's bus
4pm Pick up Aimee
Guess with all of this, its time for me to go to sleep.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Life is strange
Life is strange.
Its amazing how our standards and expectations change with time and circumstance.
Chase had a good day today. Easily distracted and frusterated at school and home, but no rages or violence. It was interesting how he got upset while playing outside this evening and started kicking and punching a box. In most cases, the box would have been replaced by a person or wall. Now if Aimee started kicking and punching boxes, I'd be concerned. With Chase, I was ready to clap for him.
Life is strange.
Its amazing how our standards and expectations change with time and circumstance.
Chase had a good day today. Easily distracted and frusterated at school and home, but no rages or violence. It was interesting how he got upset while playing outside this evening and started kicking and punching a box. In most cases, the box would have been replaced by a person or wall. Now if Aimee started kicking and punching boxes, I'd be concerned. With Chase, I was ready to clap for him.
Life is strange.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
halloween
My babies are with their dad in Alameda. I have never had a lonely Halloween, but it just isn't a holiday without them.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Party. Smiles.
Chase got invited to a Halloween Party by one of his friends from school! I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but to a kid with a severe mental illness, an invitation is a HUGE deal. The only parties Chase really gets invited to are for family and for friends when they invite a whole class and don't want to leave anyone out.
The party was held by a young family that lives less than a mile from us. The little boy, E, is about 10 and seems like he might be on the autism spectrum. Either way, he was so happy that Chase came, and so were his parents. I could tell they have had the same issues with E being accepted, as Chase has. I genuinely like their little family and see a lot of similarities. Makes me feel normal. Accepted. Understood.
After about an hour, Chase was ready to go home. He was tired and a little overstimulated. Even tired, I don't think he stopped smiling for the entire time. I can tell he will be bragging about this party for the next month. Such a great way to end a fantastic week.
Now comes the fun part. Getting both kids out of the house before 6am... Gotta love working weekends.
The party was held by a young family that lives less than a mile from us. The little boy, E, is about 10 and seems like he might be on the autism spectrum. Either way, he was so happy that Chase came, and so were his parents. I could tell they have had the same issues with E being accepted, as Chase has. I genuinely like their little family and see a lot of similarities. Makes me feel normal. Accepted. Understood.
After about an hour, Chase was ready to go home. He was tired and a little overstimulated. Even tired, I don't think he stopped smiling for the entire time. I can tell he will be bragging about this party for the next month. Such a great way to end a fantastic week.
Now comes the fun part. Getting both kids out of the house before 6am... Gotta love working weekends.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Halloween Costumes
Chase = Jedi guy from Star Wars
Aimee = Kitty (but playing dress up in her princess costume too.)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Wooohooooo!
Chase loves the new little bus and the friends that he has on it! He even loves the bus driver! I'm so relieved!
Chase had a great day at school yesterday and after arguing with the nanny a bit, had an overall good day.
That's all for now....
Chase had a great day at school yesterday and after arguing with the nanny a bit, had an overall good day.
That's all for now....
Sunday, October 25, 2009
sleep. lacking.
Can't sleep. I get the kids back from their dad today right after work. The plan is to then go to my parents house for our family dinner that we usually do on sundays. I'm praying that Chase's instability doesn't make my dad tense.
Sleep is so overated.
Sleep is so overated.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Men
This post has nothing to do with Chase. So its ok if you skip it.
I'm so upset right now. I hate that the men I have chosen to love seem to turn away from me when things get too hard with Chase. Makes me feel like I'm not enough. Why am I not enough? I am smart enough to know that if I shut down my own relationships, I won't be truly happy. But also realistic enough to know that I may not have room in my life for another man besides Chase.
I'm so upset right now. I hate that the men I have chosen to love seem to turn away from me when things get too hard with Chase. Makes me feel like I'm not enough. Why am I not enough? I am smart enough to know that if I shut down my own relationships, I won't be truly happy. But also realistic enough to know that I may not have room in my life for another man besides Chase.
no title
I'm feeling a little better. Chase had a good day but I suspect he's getting my nasty cold. I spoke with the Special Ed director who suggested we get Chase onto a different bus to see if that helps. He will be back on the smaller bus with another company starting on monday. He did great with this company and bus last year... I'm hopeful.
I want to go be with my dad but can't because I'm sick.
I want to go be with my dad but can't because I'm sick.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
bed
I woke up sick sick sick this morning. Sore throat, runny nose, headache etc. Yay. But the best neighbor in the world took Chase to school today (due to bus suspension). And Rick and Kev are banishing me to my bedroom for the day so I can rest and feel better. Thats it for now....my bed is calling my name....
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Crap
Chase got suspended from the bus. Third time in two weeks. This time he's suspended for three days. Oh and another nightmare-ish day at school. I had a breakdown on the phone with my mom today. I think I cried for two hours. Thank goodness Rick and Kevin are here to help me out. I'm making a big dinner tonight. Rick and Kev are going to meet my boyfriend....
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Dads and buses
Rick is back! (in case you are out of the loop here, Rick is my ex-husbands dad) I'm SO thankful to have him back and this time he brought more help! Kevin is my ex-husband's little brother. All 22 years and 310lbs of him. They are both amazing, although the ex is once again refusing to come anywhere near the house while they are visiting.
Rick and Kevin also brought along 2 hairy creatures that they call dogs. I don't consider anything under 20lbs a dog, but CoCo and Boo are great entertainment for Aimee. She will play with them for hours. Chase doesn't really seem to notice them since their attention span is probably shorter than his.
It makes me angry that Jared doesn't bother to swallow his pride and build a relationship with his father since Rick reaches out to him constantly. Every friday he leaves him a message asking him to call etc. But nothing. Maybe I'm sensitive to the whole "dad" issue lately...
Chase rode on the bus today. To and from school without getting suspended. Now I'm crossing my fingers for tomorrow.
Reflecting on the last year, its amazing how my version of a "good day" has evolved. Last year a good day meant no major blowups, meltdowns or violence. Today it means that no one got seriously injured, the verbal abuse didn't involve threats of bodily harm, no support room and that he didn't get suspended from school or bus. Ugh.
Rick and Kevin also brought along 2 hairy creatures that they call dogs. I don't consider anything under 20lbs a dog, but CoCo and Boo are great entertainment for Aimee. She will play with them for hours. Chase doesn't really seem to notice them since their attention span is probably shorter than his.
It makes me angry that Jared doesn't bother to swallow his pride and build a relationship with his father since Rick reaches out to him constantly. Every friday he leaves him a message asking him to call etc. But nothing. Maybe I'm sensitive to the whole "dad" issue lately...
Chase rode on the bus today. To and from school without getting suspended. Now I'm crossing my fingers for tomorrow.
Reflecting on the last year, its amazing how my version of a "good day" has evolved. Last year a good day meant no major blowups, meltdowns or violence. Today it means that no one got seriously injured, the verbal abuse didn't involve threats of bodily harm, no support room and that he didn't get suspended from school or bus. Ugh.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Pics, Video etc.
Chase had a rough weekend with his dad. More of the same. Aggression and depression. It's got a good hold on him right now and it breaks my heart.
Tonight I got in bed with him and we talked about happy things. He was unusually receptive. We talked about things that Chase likes about himself, Aimee and me. Chase is 1.Smart 2.Artistic and 3.Kind. I am 1. Helpful 2.Silly and 3.Pretty. Aimee is 1.cute 2.goofy and 3.talkative.
Below are two pics of the new bed/dresser in Aimee's room, thanks to the neighbor who had it in storage. They are so nice and its great to have a full bed for Aimee so we can all lay in bed and read stories together.
This is a pic of my dad and my lil girly. Aimee loves letting him brush her hair and today she used his cell phone as hair clippers. I attached the video below.
Aimee was relaxing on the front porch while Chase played outside. She picked up my Diet Coke and said, "See! I'm mommy!" But don't worry, it was empty and neither kiddo drinks soda.
This is a pic of Chase on his "first date" with Suzanne. He REALLY likes her and she is so nice to him. And I LOVE that she has no front teeth right now. Chase is smitten. They sat on her driveway for their date and traded messages via Nintendo DS.
Below is a video of Aimee giving my dad a "haircut." Ouch. It had to hurt!
Tonight I got in bed with him and we talked about happy things. He was unusually receptive. We talked about things that Chase likes about himself, Aimee and me. Chase is 1.Smart 2.Artistic and 3.Kind. I am 1. Helpful 2.Silly and 3.Pretty. Aimee is 1.cute 2.goofy and 3.talkative.
Below are two pics of the new bed/dresser in Aimee's room, thanks to the neighbor who had it in storage. They are so nice and its great to have a full bed for Aimee so we can all lay in bed and read stories together.
This is a pic of my dad and my lil girly. Aimee loves letting him brush her hair and today she used his cell phone as hair clippers. I attached the video below.Aimee was relaxing on the front porch while Chase played outside. She picked up my Diet Coke and said, "See! I'm mommy!" But don't worry, it was empty and neither kiddo drinks soda.
This is a pic of Chase on his "first date" with Suzanne. He REALLY likes her and she is so nice to him. And I LOVE that she has no front teeth right now. Chase is smitten. They sat on her driveway for their date and traded messages via Nintendo DS.
Below is a video of Aimee giving my dad a "haircut." Ouch. It had to hurt!
So much for a short post. Ha!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Bus Again
I'm so disappointed. Chase was suspended from the bus again. This time for 2 days. I don't know what to do. It was so bad on the bus today. I'm really feeling down about this. If Chase can't ride the bus to and from school, I don't know how to continue with his school that is about a 45 minute drive away. I think tomorrow I can work it but monday will be hard to even have him attend school since i work in the evening and the nanny can't drive all the way there to pick him up. Crap.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Update on IEP
As I wait for the sleeping meds to kick in, just wanted to give a quick update on the IEP. Chase now qualifies for occupational therapy based on his sensory processing problems. Duh. I've been telling them that for a year. Chase will stay at his current school for now but they acknowledge that he is in crisis mode and needs to be closely followed. Nothing overly dramatic.
Because of the IEP, I only had to work 5 hours tonight. I wish it was like that ALL the time! Then again, I'm so thankful to be employed these days.
Tomorrow's plan:
8am Take Aimee to preschool
9am Chase psychiatrist appt in Antioch
10am Drive Chase to school in Concord
11am MY TIME to relax on my day off.
3pm Weekly meeting at work that is on my day off but not the other peoples. So I drive a total of 1.5hrs for 2hrs of overtime... Its mandatory. Maybe I can convince them to put it on another day every once in a while.
6pm Make dinner for the kiddos and have a relaxing evening.
UGH. THATS MY DAY OFF!!!!!! Not fair!
Because of the IEP, I only had to work 5 hours tonight. I wish it was like that ALL the time! Then again, I'm so thankful to be employed these days.
Tomorrow's plan:
8am Take Aimee to preschool
9am Chase psychiatrist appt in Antioch
10am Drive Chase to school in Concord
11am MY TIME to relax on my day off.
3pm Weekly meeting at work that is on my day off but not the other peoples. So I drive a total of 1.5hrs for 2hrs of overtime... Its mandatory. Maybe I can convince them to put it on another day every once in a while.
6pm Make dinner for the kiddos and have a relaxing evening.
UGH. THATS MY DAY OFF!!!!!! Not fair!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
impending doom
Sometimes I have myself convinced that Chase is a normal hyper boy whose life has been shaped by an unstable mother and a dad with anger management issues. And that the divorce and health state of grandpa brought on the increases of the rages and the depression, hence the hospitalizations.
But then I get a call from the school bus. Chase went into some weird state where he stopped listening to real people and started listening to the ones in his head. When a teacher tried to bring him back to reality, she got punched in the face. So now he is suspended from the bus until wednesday which means he stays home today (tuesday). He sure doesn't see that as a punishment.
And at school I got a call from Barbara, the Social worker/Case Manager / Therapist that works with Chase everyday. She was concerned. The teacher called her because Chase was acting strange and complaining of a headache in the classroom. Barbara took Chase to her office where he laid down on the floor and told her that the voices were starting to quiet down. When she asked about the voices, he said they have been loud all day in his head and making him feel like his head would explode. After a while, he said he felt better and that he could return to class.
No major issues in the classroom.
I'm nervous about the IEP. In the last week I have been told that his school may not be the right fit and that he might need a more intense therapeutic program. And now with the bus suspensions I'm nervous about what they want the plan to be.
Eh, gotta sleep though. Goodnight.
But then I get a call from the school bus. Chase went into some weird state where he stopped listening to real people and started listening to the ones in his head. When a teacher tried to bring him back to reality, she got punched in the face. So now he is suspended from the bus until wednesday which means he stays home today (tuesday). He sure doesn't see that as a punishment.
And at school I got a call from Barbara, the Social worker/Case Manager / Therapist that works with Chase everyday. She was concerned. The teacher called her because Chase was acting strange and complaining of a headache in the classroom. Barbara took Chase to her office where he laid down on the floor and told her that the voices were starting to quiet down. When she asked about the voices, he said they have been loud all day in his head and making him feel like his head would explode. After a while, he said he felt better and that he could return to class.
No major issues in the classroom.
I'm nervous about the IEP. In the last week I have been told that his school may not be the right fit and that he might need a more intense therapeutic program. And now with the bus suspensions I'm nervous about what they want the plan to be.
Eh, gotta sleep though. Goodnight.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Sleep-talking
Chase had a decent day today. Even really good at bedtime. However, I'm sitting here at 10:30pm listening to him yell at someone in his room. I went in and tried to wake him and rub his back. We talked for a minute and then I went back to my room. Now, he's having a full conversation while slurring his words. Its strange, even for him!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Rages vs. Tantrums
WHO doesn't love my Ambien induced posts? If you don't, go away now. Run! Otherwise here goes:
Chase finally made it through a day without any major issues. The teacher was encouraged since we had raised the Abilify that maybe its making a difference.
But on the way home on the bus, the bus aide tried to direct Chase not to open an envelope addressed to me and he totally lost it. He started throwing a temper tantrum on the bus on the freeway. He hit and kicked the aide and said a lot of bad things to her. I could tell she was upset. And who wouldn't be? Thank goodness they didn't suspend him from the bus.
I know you might wonder what the difference is between a temper tantrum and a rage. Its something important to know when you are around Chase. If he's raging, he's dangerous. If he's tantruming then he's just throwing a fit to get what he wants. The rages are his bipolar and the tantrums are partially ADHD and partially being a 7yr old boy.
Temper Tantrum
-Wants something and is told no or to stop
-Screaming
-Hitting
-Kicking
-Whining
-able to contain him without too much of a struggle
-Short time period, about 10 minutes.
-Very coherent and aware of his surroundings
-Is capable of being soothed
-Typical of most 7 year old tantrums
Rage
-Triggered by something very small
-Can last for hours
-Agressively attacking himself, others and any property
-Nearly impossible to restrain
-Superhuman strength (like someone on PCP)
-Cannot hear what you say to him
-Is not responsive to any outside stimulus (me talking, doorbells ringing, etc)
-Doesn't remember the rage itself but can remember only the first few seconds.
-Followed by exhaustion and usually falls asleep on the floor.
Ok I'm done writing my book now. Ha Ha Ha.
Chase finally made it through a day without any major issues. The teacher was encouraged since we had raised the Abilify that maybe its making a difference.
But on the way home on the bus, the bus aide tried to direct Chase not to open an envelope addressed to me and he totally lost it. He started throwing a temper tantrum on the bus on the freeway. He hit and kicked the aide and said a lot of bad things to her. I could tell she was upset. And who wouldn't be? Thank goodness they didn't suspend him from the bus.
I know you might wonder what the difference is between a temper tantrum and a rage. Its something important to know when you are around Chase. If he's raging, he's dangerous. If he's tantruming then he's just throwing a fit to get what he wants. The rages are his bipolar and the tantrums are partially ADHD and partially being a 7yr old boy.
Temper Tantrum
-Wants something and is told no or to stop
-Screaming
-Hitting
-Kicking
-Whining
-able to contain him without too much of a struggle
-Short time period, about 10 minutes.
-Very coherent and aware of his surroundings
-Is capable of being soothed
-Typical of most 7 year old tantrums
Rage
-Triggered by something very small
-Can last for hours
-Agressively attacking himself, others and any property
-Nearly impossible to restrain
-Superhuman strength (like someone on PCP)
-Cannot hear what you say to him
-Is not responsive to any outside stimulus (me talking, doorbells ringing, etc)
-Doesn't remember the rage itself but can remember only the first few seconds.
-Followed by exhaustion and usually falls asleep on the floor.
Ok I'm done writing my book now. Ha Ha Ha.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Meeting
Jared and I attended the meeting at the school. Together. Yup, that's what I said. Together. I'm so glad he went, I think it was a wake up call for him. The staff kept pushing the need for Chase to be "built up" instead of "torn down." I really hope that some of that sunk in to Jared's head. He needs to be a good role model.
Chase is cycling more rapidly at school these days and spends the majority of the day being out of control or withdrawn. He is essentially spending his school day in the support room.
The school people feel like it might not be the right place for him, as he may need more intense treatment that the current setting can provide. But as I've said before, his school is just about the highest level of help that he can get unless you include residential placements.
I thought being able to keep Chase out of the hospital would also alleviate the need for a residential treatment center. Guess not. The school is willing to be patient.
Chase's abilify dosage will increase in the morning and he sees his psychiatrist on friday afternoon. I think I'm numb. I can't be angry at the school or the county mental health team. They have all been amazing. It just hurts to see Chase struggling so much. Especially because he is SO capable of excelling in academics if his darned mental illness wasn't in the way.
On a great note, Chase was fantastic this afternoon/evening. We got through all of his homework and I could see that he was proud. We played outside, had a popsicle and even played with a rocket toy down at the creek. Then he took a bath without arguement and went to bed on his own. As much as I can't stand the lack of consistancy, I have to be thankful for evenings like this. Don't look a gift-horse in the mouth!
Chase is cycling more rapidly at school these days and spends the majority of the day being out of control or withdrawn. He is essentially spending his school day in the support room.
The school people feel like it might not be the right place for him, as he may need more intense treatment that the current setting can provide. But as I've said before, his school is just about the highest level of help that he can get unless you include residential placements.
I thought being able to keep Chase out of the hospital would also alleviate the need for a residential treatment center. Guess not. The school is willing to be patient.
Chase's abilify dosage will increase in the morning and he sees his psychiatrist on friday afternoon. I think I'm numb. I can't be angry at the school or the county mental health team. They have all been amazing. It just hurts to see Chase struggling so much. Especially because he is SO capable of excelling in academics if his darned mental illness wasn't in the way.
On a great note, Chase was fantastic this afternoon/evening. We got through all of his homework and I could see that he was proud. We played outside, had a popsicle and even played with a rocket toy down at the creek. Then he took a bath without arguement and went to bed on his own. As much as I can't stand the lack of consistancy, I have to be thankful for evenings like this. Don't look a gift-horse in the mouth!
school emergencies
Today's events regarding Mr. Chase:
12:00pm - Call from Chase's psychologist from AB3632. She is worried about Chase. Constant meltdowns and mood swings. Major anxiety problems possibly stemming from his relationship with his dad.
3:30pm - Missed call from Chase's school office
5:00pm - 2 missed calls from Chase's classroom (odd since school ends at 2pm)
5:30pm - Spoke with Ms. Sally, Chase's teacher. Chase spent all day in the support room. Horrible rages, irritability, vulgar, aggressive etc. Ms. Sally is very concerned. Scheduled an emergency meeting for Jared, Chase, psychologist and MRT at 8:30am tomorrow (Wednesday)
5:45pm - Spoke with nanny and Chase. Chase still irritable and sad. Called MRT (from work) to go to the house to help support Chase. They ended up talking to Chase on the phone for a long time. Seemed to help.
11:50pm - I came home and sat with my sleeping little man. So peaceful. So sweet. So sad.
Nervous about the meeting in the morning. Not sure why. Also not sure why I'm writing in sentence fragments.
12:00pm - Call from Chase's psychologist from AB3632. She is worried about Chase. Constant meltdowns and mood swings. Major anxiety problems possibly stemming from his relationship with his dad.
3:30pm - Missed call from Chase's school office
5:00pm - 2 missed calls from Chase's classroom (odd since school ends at 2pm)
5:30pm - Spoke with Ms. Sally, Chase's teacher. Chase spent all day in the support room. Horrible rages, irritability, vulgar, aggressive etc. Ms. Sally is very concerned. Scheduled an emergency meeting for Jared, Chase, psychologist and MRT at 8:30am tomorrow (Wednesday)
5:45pm - Spoke with nanny and Chase. Chase still irritable and sad. Called MRT (from work) to go to the house to help support Chase. They ended up talking to Chase on the phone for a long time. Seemed to help.
11:50pm - I came home and sat with my sleeping little man. So peaceful. So sweet. So sad.
Nervous about the meeting in the morning. Not sure why. Also not sure why I'm writing in sentence fragments.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Chase is sad
Chase is doing better today than the last few days. I really thought he'd be in the hospital by today, but he's home and sleeping in his own bed. He was very helpful this evening while I cleaned the house. He wasn't whining, but just seemed sad. I can tell when he's down because he was ready for bed before 7pm and went there on his own. But he's been restless, talking in his sleep and crying.
I'm doing better today too. Although I may have pushed away a man that I care deeply for. I'm not sure what to do about that. I'm not in a place where I can really focus on a relationship. I'm also afraid that Chase would turn his life upside down and really traumatize his VERY normal son. The sad part is that I could see a future with him.
I'm doing better today too. Although I may have pushed away a man that I care deeply for. I'm not sure what to do about that. I'm not in a place where I can really focus on a relationship. I'm also afraid that Chase would turn his life upside down and really traumatize his VERY normal son. The sad part is that I could see a future with him.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
no title
Last night was awful. And this morning. Somehow I made it through. Had a great night at work. Worried about Chase. He always comes home from his dads house an emotional wreck. Tomorrow afternoon should be fun. I'm tired. Just got off work and go back to work in 7 hours. I'm just glad not to be sick anymore. And not to worry that my kids will wake me up at 4am. At least I'll be able to sleep till 5am. Ha.
Friday, October 2, 2009
crying. me.
Today has been awful. Start to finish. I'm in such a bad mood that I don't feel like writing. If I wasn't such a responsible parent, I'd be drunk off my ass right now. But instead I'm laying in bed crying and wishing sleep would just hurry up and get here.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
sickies
Both kiddos have nasty colds. NOT swine, but still miserable. Chase is really having a hard time, both at home and at school. Yesterday he spent most of the day inthe support room. I'm praying that today is better.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
3am! ugh...
Yes its 3am. Yes I'm awake.
Chase is doing really well. For me at least. He's been a pain in the neck for the nanny, but I really think she instigates a lot of the problems. And she isn't good at spreading out the homework throughout the evening.
Its about to be my "day off." Except I have a meeting at work at 3pm. Yay. Its about the changes on my unit. I'm thankful to have a job. I really am. But meetings on my day off are CRAZY and just plain mean.
Chase is doing really well. For me at least. He's been a pain in the neck for the nanny, but I really think she instigates a lot of the problems. And she isn't good at spreading out the homework throughout the evening.
Its about to be my "day off." Except I have a meeting at work at 3pm. Yay. Its about the changes on my unit. I'm thankful to have a job. I really am. But meetings on my day off are CRAZY and just plain mean.
Friday, September 25, 2009
the why
I'm not sure where this post will end up. My mind seems like an endless string of thoughts stuck together with bubble gum.
I feel like although my life is feeling somewhat stable, I am starting to spiral downward. I'm constantly tired, fighting back tears and irritated with everybody. I have been dubbed "the avoiderer" and the nickname fits. I don't feel like talking on the phone to anyone really. Even my daily phone call to my mom has become a chore. If I had it my way, I'd stay home all day, every day.
I already see the comments now.... "Maybe you should see a doc" and "You need to take care of yourself first in order to be able to take care of your children." I know. I know. I do see a doc and will probably go more often for a while. My confusion is over the 'WHY'.
Here are some updates:
My son has been home from the hospital for nearly 8 weeks now. Thats the longest amount of time since his first hospitalization. And we have only called MRT like 3 times since July.
Chase got 100% on his first spelling test today!
My daughter is finally potty trained (during the day)
I'm getting Child Support garnishments from the state (his unemployment. less that half what i'm supposed to get but its SOMETHING finally)
My job description is evolving as we speak. The location and hours will be the same, but my shift will look different. Not even sure what that means yet.
My dad's "illness is progressing." Thats what the hospice nurse says. Progressing. Not the word I would use for the impending death of my father. The one man in my life who loves me unconditionally.
Ok that last one is a biggie. I haven't talked about that lately. Maybe that's the why.
I feel like although my life is feeling somewhat stable, I am starting to spiral downward. I'm constantly tired, fighting back tears and irritated with everybody. I have been dubbed "the avoiderer" and the nickname fits. I don't feel like talking on the phone to anyone really. Even my daily phone call to my mom has become a chore. If I had it my way, I'd stay home all day, every day.
I already see the comments now.... "Maybe you should see a doc" and "You need to take care of yourself first in order to be able to take care of your children." I know. I know. I do see a doc and will probably go more often for a while. My confusion is over the 'WHY'.
Here are some updates:
My son has been home from the hospital for nearly 8 weeks now. Thats the longest amount of time since his first hospitalization. And we have only called MRT like 3 times since July.
Chase got 100% on his first spelling test today!
My daughter is finally potty trained (during the day)
I'm getting Child Support garnishments from the state (his unemployment. less that half what i'm supposed to get but its SOMETHING finally)
My job description is evolving as we speak. The location and hours will be the same, but my shift will look different. Not even sure what that means yet.
My dad's "illness is progressing." Thats what the hospice nurse says. Progressing. Not the word I would use for the impending death of my father. The one man in my life who loves me unconditionally.
Ok that last one is a biggie. I haven't talked about that lately. Maybe that's the why.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
pics
Just wanted to post some pictures from today. It was a great day. Of course now my throat hurts.Update and scary
I haven't posted in a while. No huge updates. Still struggling with homework and massive sibling rivalry.
I called Mrs. S yesterday. She said that he will recieve the same homework as everyone else and he will still lose a point if he doesn't complete it. But he does have the option of finishing it at recess if necessary.... I don't feel great about that. I need to think about it a bit more before our IEP so I can address the issue.
One of my coworkers was shot on monday night. Someone followed her from work (Martinez) to Elk Grove. As she stopped at a stoplight, he shot her through her shoulder. She is ok, in the hospital. They won't be removing the bullet. Another reminder how dangerous my job is...
Oh and swine flu is floating around my unit again....
I called Mrs. S yesterday. She said that he will recieve the same homework as everyone else and he will still lose a point if he doesn't complete it. But he does have the option of finishing it at recess if necessary.... I don't feel great about that. I need to think about it a bit more before our IEP so I can address the issue.
One of my coworkers was shot on monday night. Someone followed her from work (Martinez) to Elk Grove. As she stopped at a stoplight, he shot her through her shoulder. She is ok, in the hospital. They won't be removing the bullet. Another reminder how dangerous my job is...
Oh and swine flu is floating around my unit again....
Thursday, September 17, 2009
learning, homework and Rick
Rick goes home tomorrow. Makes me sad to think we may not see him until Halloween. The kids will miss him. Not only did he have fun with the kids, but also helped me get a little break from cleaning/cooking etc. There aren't many people that I'd feel comfortable to let help like that.
We had a meeting on wednesday that I didn't write about. Basically the WrapAround team is brainstorming ways to lessen the rages and frusteration around homework. He's been getting so much homework that he feels overwhelmed and defeated before he even starts. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. See the following ideas:
1. Still complete the nightly 2 pages of language arts and 2 pages of math.
2. Decrease the number of weekly spelling words from 10 to 3.
3. Provide SOME flexability regarding the nightly homework due to his mood issues on some days.
One big problem is that Chase has bad days. Days where I'm just thankful that no one got hurt. Even looking at homework on those days is nearly impossible. However, the homework that doesn't get done should be added on top of the next nights homework. Either way, he gets the work done but without as much pressure.
I went with my neighbor to her son's (Chase's buddy A) IEP today. I feel like my presence there helped a little since the guy from the school district in attendence knows Chase and I very well. I pushed the team to put in a referral so A can get the AB3632 services. I also got hit with the idea that just as A has a hard time with writing, Chase is very delayed in his writing skills. I wonder if there is extra help provided for that. Even just an extra person at school to sit one on one with him when it is time to write. He needs constant encouragement and reminders.
Going to sleep now. Hopefully.
We had a meeting on wednesday that I didn't write about. Basically the WrapAround team is brainstorming ways to lessen the rages and frusteration around homework. He's been getting so much homework that he feels overwhelmed and defeated before he even starts. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. See the following ideas:
1. Still complete the nightly 2 pages of language arts and 2 pages of math.
2. Decrease the number of weekly spelling words from 10 to 3.
3. Provide SOME flexability regarding the nightly homework due to his mood issues on some days.
One big problem is that Chase has bad days. Days where I'm just thankful that no one got hurt. Even looking at homework on those days is nearly impossible. However, the homework that doesn't get done should be added on top of the next nights homework. Either way, he gets the work done but without as much pressure.
I went with my neighbor to her son's (Chase's buddy A) IEP today. I feel like my presence there helped a little since the guy from the school district in attendence knows Chase and I very well. I pushed the team to put in a referral so A can get the AB3632 services. I also got hit with the idea that just as A has a hard time with writing, Chase is very delayed in his writing skills. I wonder if there is extra help provided for that. Even just an extra person at school to sit one on one with him when it is time to write. He needs constant encouragement and reminders.
Going to sleep now. Hopefully.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
A very welcome guest
So Jared's dad is here. I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but a lot of his family is disgusted with his behavior and has since stopped talking with him. Of course they all still LOVE our kids and me (duh!).
Anyway, Rick is here. He is amazing. My children have the BEST two grandpa's that I could ask for. Rick is staying with us until friday. Not only does he love the kids, but he is patient and very helpful. He understands Chase's illness and does the best he can to keep Chase under control. Aimee has him wrapped around her finger.
I'm going to bed but look forward to tomorrow.
Anyway, Rick is here. He is amazing. My children have the BEST two grandpa's that I could ask for. Rick is staying with us until friday. Not only does he love the kids, but he is patient and very helpful. He understands Chase's illness and does the best he can to keep Chase under control. Aimee has him wrapped around her finger.
I'm going to bed but look forward to tomorrow.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Chase's room
Chase's room has been a Mecca for my tears in the last year.
I sat in there with him after he raged and was so sad that he said he wanted to die.
I held him on days where he was so depressed that he wouldn't stay awake and he just wanted to be in bed all day.
I held the door shut to be safe.
I painted his room while he was in the hospital.
I sat in his freshly painted room wishing he was well enough to come home.
I took every toy and book and packed them into boxes for the garage.
I sat in his emptied out "safe room" wishing it wasn't necessary but knowing it was.
I stared from the hallway.
I saw Aimee's beautiful room. Ladybugs, big white furniture, books, piggy bank, toys.
I saw Chase's room. Fresh paint, camoflouge, holes in the walls, no closet doors, void of all toys and books.
I sat in there with him after he raged and was so sad that he said he wanted to die.
I held him on days where he was so depressed that he wouldn't stay awake and he just wanted to be in bed all day.
I held the door shut to be safe.
I painted his room while he was in the hospital.
I sat in his freshly painted room wishing he was well enough to come home.
I took every toy and book and packed them into boxes for the garage.
I sat in his emptied out "safe room" wishing it wasn't necessary but knowing it was.
I stared from the hallway.
I saw Aimee's beautiful room. Ladybugs, big white furniture, books, piggy bank, toys.
I saw Chase's room. Fresh paint, camoflouge, holes in the walls, no closet doors, void of all toys and books.
Friday, September 11, 2009
vacuum
Chase raged tonight. Thank goodness our neighbor was over and just swept up Aimee and left the house. Chase threw a vacuum at me. One of many heavy objects.
Jared came after he calmed down. And we (yes I said WE) emptied out Chase's room. No dressers, desks etc. Just clothes hanging on a pole in the closet, a huge wooden bed that is in one piece with 4 drawers attached underneath.
Hopefully this helps when Chase gets out of hand. I can't have him throwing large objects at me or hurting himself.
I'm lonely tonight though. Its one of those nights where you just want someone to hold you.
Jared came after he calmed down. And we (yes I said WE) emptied out Chase's room. No dressers, desks etc. Just clothes hanging on a pole in the closet, a huge wooden bed that is in one piece with 4 drawers attached underneath.
Hopefully this helps when Chase gets out of hand. I can't have him throwing large objects at me or hurting himself.
I'm lonely tonight though. Its one of those nights where you just want someone to hold you.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
pictures of...me. sorry.
I know that 99% of the pics I post are taken by me. So here are some pics of me just because. The lighting is awful, the facial expressions are weird and I couldn't give a shit. I mean I don't care. Yeah. Thats what I meant to say.
Oh and the dark circles under my eyes are just side effects of having a bipolar son....
As far as an update goes, another rough day at school but I really have no clue what happened. We worked on his homework and finished about half without too much whining.
Oh and the dark circles under my eyes are just side effects of having a bipolar son....
As far as an update goes, another rough day at school but I really have no clue what happened. We worked on his homework and finished about half without too much whining.
Dave from the wraparound team and Oscar, a "mentor" came over this morning for our weekly meeting. Our main focus today was that Chase needs to be in some sort of social activities besides school. As a mentor, Oscar could take him to sport practices etc and help him socialize appropriately. He also wants to take Chase to meet new people and practice his "boundary skills." For anyone that hasn't met Chase, he has no concept of boundaries or personal space. This freaks out a lot of kids and even adults.
Aimee has my allergies. Of all the fantastic traits to get from me, she got my stupid allergies. Go figure. Benedryl and Claritin here we come!
That's all folks!
running on nothing
Just wanted to type this up real quick. I'm running on NO sleep so don't expect a long one.
Chase is doing ok when with me for the last few days, but NOT well at school or with the Nanny. The nanny had to call MRT and even called me at work (which she usually doesn't do.)
So far this morning he has done all of his homework and practiced his spelling words. I pray his good day continues.
And Aimee's sleep issues are really wearing me down. Really.
Chase is doing ok when with me for the last few days, but NOT well at school or with the Nanny. The nanny had to call MRT and even called me at work (which she usually doesn't do.)
So far this morning he has done all of his homework and practiced his spelling words. I pray his good day continues.
And Aimee's sleep issues are really wearing me down. Really.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Breakdown
Here's a little breakdown of todays "events"....
Work sucked. Nothing really happened, it just seemed to drag on forever.
Got home and Jared was already waiting outside my house to drop off the kids.
Chase and Aimee played out front for a few hours until Chase started to have a bunch of mini meltdowns.
Chase "accidentally" shut a door on Aimee's head. I was so upset that I called Jared.
Jared came and got Chase.
Aimee went to bed and then I fell asleep on the couch.
Jared called and said he was just going to keep Chase overnight.
I immediately got in bed at about 8:20pm (I know....I sound like I'm a 60yr old woman)
Now I'm wide awake with a restless 3 year old next to me.
Work sucked. Nothing really happened, it just seemed to drag on forever.
Got home and Jared was already waiting outside my house to drop off the kids.
Chase and Aimee played out front for a few hours until Chase started to have a bunch of mini meltdowns.
Chase "accidentally" shut a door on Aimee's head. I was so upset that I called Jared.
Jared came and got Chase.
Aimee went to bed and then I fell asleep on the couch.
Jared called and said he was just going to keep Chase overnight.
I immediately got in bed at about 8:20pm (I know....I sound like I'm a 60yr old woman)
Now I'm wide awake with a restless 3 year old next to me.
Friday, September 4, 2009
vice
How is it only 8pm and I'm so tired I could fall asleep on the floor! Good thing I'm not working tonight! Although tomorrow I work at the hall from 7-3 and then at Macy's until about 10pm. Oh and then back to the hall sunday at 7am...
I got a little nap this morning (after my graveyard shift) and then was wide awake by noon. With no extra money for gas, I relaxed at home until Chase's bus brought him home. Normally I'd say "That's when all hell broke loose." But I'd be lying. This evening was pretty laid back with only one meltdown.
I'm not sure what I'm running from right now. But I am running. From something. I spend every moment either cooking, cleaning, working or staying busy with my kids. I'm avoiding friends and family. My entire downstairs smells like a mix between Mr. Clean and Tide. I guess there are worse vices??!?! My mom would LOVE this one.
I got a little nap this morning (after my graveyard shift) and then was wide awake by noon. With no extra money for gas, I relaxed at home until Chase's bus brought him home. Normally I'd say "That's when all hell broke loose." But I'd be lying. This evening was pretty laid back with only one meltdown.
I'm not sure what I'm running from right now. But I am running. From something. I spend every moment either cooking, cleaning, working or staying busy with my kids. I'm avoiding friends and family. My entire downstairs smells like a mix between Mr. Clean and Tide. I guess there are worse vices??!?! My mom would LOVE this one.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
yes or no
Two days in a row Chase has had tough days at school. I will call his teacher in the morning. The only way I know his days have been hard is because of the little form sent home daily where the teacher circles yes or no. No specifics at all.
We spent the afternoon with our next door neighbors. The kids played on the slip'n'slide and I made a huge dinner for both of our families. I love having neighbors who understand what we are going through and are honest and supportive of our struggles.
Overall, I had a great day off. Tomorrow morning we will go visit my daddy.
We spent the afternoon with our next door neighbors. The kids played on the slip'n'slide and I made a huge dinner for both of our families. I love having neighbors who understand what we are going through and are honest and supportive of our struggles.
Overall, I had a great day off. Tomorrow morning we will go visit my daddy.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
single mom
This whole single mom thing sucks. Not because of missing my ex husband (hahaha!)...but I feel like I miss out on a lot of things with my kids.
Jared has them on most weekends while I'm at work. I work 7-3 saturday and sunday. I remind myself that even if they were home with "us", I'd only be with them saturday afternoon/evening. But still....
Monday and tuesdays I hang out with Aimee all morning but Chase is in school. Then I go to work and don't come home until after 11pm. Obviously they are asleep.
Unfortunetly (spelling?) I have no options to change my shift pattern. The way things are with the country right now, I'm just thankful to have a job.
Chase had a great day at school. I need to force the school to give him some extra help with reading though. He's pretty behind for a 2nd grader. I guess that can be expected after being in the hospital for an entire semester.
Sleeping pills are kicking in. Time to go to bed before I start writing crazy things that don't make any sense.
Jared has them on most weekends while I'm at work. I work 7-3 saturday and sunday. I remind myself that even if they were home with "us", I'd only be with them saturday afternoon/evening. But still....
Monday and tuesdays I hang out with Aimee all morning but Chase is in school. Then I go to work and don't come home until after 11pm. Obviously they are asleep.
Unfortunetly (spelling?) I have no options to change my shift pattern. The way things are with the country right now, I'm just thankful to have a job.
Chase had a great day at school. I need to force the school to give him some extra help with reading though. He's pretty behind for a 2nd grader. I guess that can be expected after being in the hospital for an entire semester.
Sleeping pills are kicking in. Time to go to bed before I start writing crazy things that don't make any sense.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Ahhhh
The kids came home today from Jared's. They were pretty good, went swimming and about 30 minutes later Chase started to get aggitated. At one point he was rocking in the chair and saying that there were too many voices talking all at once in his head. After about 3 meltdowns between 5 and 7pm, Chase went back to being a little sweetie. He curled up on my lap and we watched "Open Season" on TV until bedtime.
Long evening but now Chase and Aimee are sleeping soundly. Ahhh....
Long evening but now Chase and Aimee are sleeping soundly. Ahhh....
Friday, August 28, 2009
thankful
People that I am so thankful for in the last week or two:
- Our next door neighbors. Between massages, relaxing time by the pool, free swimming lessons, and friendship for both Chase and myself, I couldn't ask for better neighbors. They watch over us, support us and are just plain good people. How did I get by before they moved in?!?!
- Meredith and Dave. I love Dave for "giving up" his wife. Meredith goes out of her way to help us. Constantly. And she's a pretty great friend on top of all that.
- Aimee for her new obsession with hair brushing. I LOVE getting my hair brushed and she's learning.
- My dad for his honesty. No sugar-coating from him! Just gives it to me straight, and usually exactly what I need to hear.
- The kids on my unit at juvenile hall for reminding me that being a mom means loving your children unconditionally and letting them love you back
AND... - My boyfriend for his neverending patience.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
pics
The above pics are-the kids swimming next door with our neighbor while I relaxed in a chair
-Chase's first day of 2nd grade (waiting for bus)
-our crazy cat, Dax, playing with the guinea pig, Flower (they love each other for real)
-a few of the professional pics that i didn't scan because I was too lazy
Monday, August 24, 2009
missed out
I'm so tired that typing is hard. Chase had a great first day of 2nd grade. But I was at work and wasn't there when he got home on the bus. I feel like I missed an important day even though I got him on the bus this morning.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
dont hound me!
The kids were great this morning in a rush to get ready for work (and their going to daddy's).
Work was...well...I have some VERY needy kids on the unit right now. For some reason, they can't do ANYTHING without asking questions about it or making a comment. Duct tape anyone?
Looking at the new pictures that were taken at the studio, I see two amazing children. Chase has such personality and it shows through in his little smile. My little man. And Aimee is hiding her devil horns in there somewhere!
Before you start hounding me about posting the pics, I'll try to download them ASAP.
Work was...well...I have some VERY needy kids on the unit right now. For some reason, they can't do ANYTHING without asking questions about it or making a comment. Duct tape anyone?
Looking at the new pictures that were taken at the studio, I see two amazing children. Chase has such personality and it shows through in his little smile. My little man. And Aimee is hiding her devil horns in there somewhere!
Before you start hounding me about posting the pics, I'll try to download them ASAP.
rivalry
The sibling rivalry between Chase and Aimee seems to have gotten out of control. They went from yelling at each other, to doing violent and mean things to each other. All I do is referee and try to keep them away from each other.
One on one, they are both fantastic. But Chase got so upset with Aimee today that he called MRT who came out and talked with him.
I'm not seeing many bipolar symptoms, or any real signs of mental illness this week. No clue what to contribute that to.
I have to be at work in 5 hours so I guess I should get off the computer and go to sleep.
One on one, they are both fantastic. But Chase got so upset with Aimee today that he called MRT who came out and talked with him.
I'm not seeing many bipolar symptoms, or any real signs of mental illness this week. No clue what to contribute that to.
I have to be at work in 5 hours so I guess I should get off the computer and go to sleep.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
list
1. Wrap around meeting went well this morning. Jared was a "no show" and Chase slept in the meeting room with us the entire time (almost 2 hrs). They will provide Chase with mentors and buddies to work on socialization. Some other stuff came out of it like safety plans etc.
2. Nice quick lunch with Meredith
3. I took a short nap while Chase played video games. I DO think video games and TV make for good babysitters but Chase does NOT spend his day in front of the TV. But it does sort of seem to be soothing.
4. Took the kids with me to bring my brothers wife, Julie, home. She fed us an amazing dinner as always! Aimee loved it! Chase wasn't really hungry.
5. Trying to get in the car to go home, Chase started having a temper tantrum. Not a rage, thank goodness. Somehow he calmed down quickly, came home and went to bed.
I'm glad today is over. On to the next one, here we go!
2. Nice quick lunch with Meredith
3. I took a short nap while Chase played video games. I DO think video games and TV make for good babysitters but Chase does NOT spend his day in front of the TV. But it does sort of seem to be soothing.
4. Took the kids with me to bring my brothers wife, Julie, home. She fed us an amazing dinner as always! Aimee loved it! Chase wasn't really hungry.
5. Trying to get in the car to go home, Chase started having a temper tantrum. Not a rage, thank goodness. Somehow he calmed down quickly, came home and went to bed.
I'm glad today is over. On to the next one, here we go!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
snot
Today seemed to drag on forever. Carpet cleaning took 3 hours! Thankfully I was able to get the kids over to the nanny's house about mid way through. They were going crazy sitting on the front porch. The garage was full of furniture so I wouldn't let them open it and all of the neighbor kids were in school.
I can hear Chase snoring in his bed. He's pretty congested. Tomorrow morning we are supposed to get their pictures taken. But if there is still a ton of coughing and snot, I will just reschedule.
I guess thats about all I can write before I start drifting off.............
I can hear Chase snoring in his bed. He's pretty congested. Tomorrow morning we are supposed to get their pictures taken. But if there is still a ton of coughing and snot, I will just reschedule.
I guess thats about all I can write before I start drifting off.............
Monday, August 17, 2009
random
Chase has a nasty cold that is slowing him down Other than that, the evening went well. Aimee went to sleep quickly.
Tomorrow I'm getting the carpets cleaned....
Tomorrow I'm getting the carpets cleaned....
Saturday, August 15, 2009
here i go
I finally have a minute to sit and "reflect" on the last few days. I want to puke. Is that a bad sign?
So wednesday night I think I posted that Chase raged. Nothing horrible.
Thursday morning Chase raged. Aimee and I were both victims of his anger. MRT responded to the house. Jared even came over to "save the day." Things calmed down. MRT left. Jared left (for his busy life with NO JOB.)
Later, I brought the kids over to the Nanny's house so I could get some rest before my graveyard shift. Less than an hour later, the nanny calls. Chase is raging and busted her in the face with his own head. She's bleeding.
On my way to get Chase, I called MRT. Chase was winding down when I got there but started up again soon after we got home. Aimee stayed with the nanny.
Jared came and picked up Chase just in time for me to get to work. (Did I mention he has no JOB?!?!)
I went to work with NO sleep. One of the longest shifts of my life. Got off work and before I could even get home, he calls and is ready to drop Chase off. So I couldn't sleep after work either. But again, HE HAS NO JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very confused as to what he is so darned busy with.
Either way, I hadn't slept since Wednesday night.
Finally on friday night I have the opportunity to sleep. But as luck would have it, Aimee is sick and has the cold from hell. Low fever but a bad cough that is keeping her up ALL night long. She stayed in my bed and neither of us slept. No rages from Chase though.
Saturday morning (this morning) I am a mess at work. I look like hell, feel like hell and probably smell like a$$ since I couldn't even shower.
BUT guess where I am right now?!?!?!? MY BED! So as much as I say I don't sleep, me and my Ambien CR are going to give it a shot.
So wednesday night I think I posted that Chase raged. Nothing horrible.
Thursday morning Chase raged. Aimee and I were both victims of his anger. MRT responded to the house. Jared even came over to "save the day." Things calmed down. MRT left. Jared left (for his busy life with NO JOB.)
Later, I brought the kids over to the Nanny's house so I could get some rest before my graveyard shift. Less than an hour later, the nanny calls. Chase is raging and busted her in the face with his own head. She's bleeding.
On my way to get Chase, I called MRT. Chase was winding down when I got there but started up again soon after we got home. Aimee stayed with the nanny.
Jared came and picked up Chase just in time for me to get to work. (Did I mention he has no JOB?!?!)
I went to work with NO sleep. One of the longest shifts of my life. Got off work and before I could even get home, he calls and is ready to drop Chase off. So I couldn't sleep after work either. But again, HE HAS NO JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very confused as to what he is so darned busy with.
Either way, I hadn't slept since Wednesday night.
Finally on friday night I have the opportunity to sleep. But as luck would have it, Aimee is sick and has the cold from hell. Low fever but a bad cough that is keeping her up ALL night long. She stayed in my bed and neither of us slept. No rages from Chase though.
Saturday morning (this morning) I am a mess at work. I look like hell, feel like hell and probably smell like a$$ since I couldn't even shower.
BUT guess where I am right now?!?!?!? MY BED! So as much as I say I don't sleep, me and my Ambien CR are going to give it a shot.
rages
If I don't write this now, I'll forget to update it later.
ALL day thursday was rages. Violent rages.
ALL day thursday was rages. Violent rages.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Rage
And so the rage began.
And it hurt.
I got hit with a shoe at full force.
He calmed down after about 15 minutes.
Not bad.
I figure that rages can be expected.
There are things that can't be 100% eliminated.
But not bad for a rage.
Phew.
And it hurt.
I got hit with a shoe at full force.
He calmed down after about 15 minutes.
Not bad.
I figure that rages can be expected.
There are things that can't be 100% eliminated.
But not bad for a rage.
Phew.
bullsh*t
I hate that when I mention that my son is/was in the hospital, people seem so concerned. Then when they find out that he has a mental illness, it somehow becomes insignificant. He isn't really sick. Or when he comes home he will be all better. Or somehow when he is in the psych hospital it is less stressful than any other sort of hospitalization.
That's bullshit.
PS...Chase is still doing well. Just needed to vent.
That's bullshit.
PS...Chase is still doing well. Just needed to vent.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Pics and Video
Just adding some pics from the last week. The pics of the kids in pajamas are right after showers and they decided to dance to the music on my iPod.
These two pics are from a morning last week where both kids were SO cranky and being mean to each other for hours. So we went for a drive. It was perfect (see below to understand why).
Funny video of the kids dancing.
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