Another Trailer

Click to see a longer version of the trailer featuring Chase. Please give me your honest opinion. My goal is to educate the country about children like my son. The good and the bad and the lengths to which we will go to keep him safe.

Chase's Trailer for Bipolar Mysteries

sensitive

The rage on saturday was a really a scary setback but just a setback. Things are going well again and today was my "friday" at work so I look forward to some quality time with my kiddos.

To give a quick med update on Chase....
Geodon 40mg 2x/day
Clonidine .5mg 2x/day
Cogentin 2x/day
Benedryl or Atarax as needed but rarely used.

I'm feeling a little sensitive today and I can't really pinpoint the reason. I can't stop crying. Maybe I'm just too tired after working 3pm yesterday until 5am today and then again 3pm today until 11pm. Or maybe I need to go back to my own therapist...

Rage #1

Chase had his first rage since coming home from the hospital. The rages are getting much scarier. This time he took a tall wooden stool and started throwing it against the stair banister, breaking four of the rails. Then when I went up to stop him, he threw it at me. I'm sad tonight but hopeful that these rages will be few and far between.

Pics

Chase was having fun at a creek while mom took a break from the long bike ride.

This is what happens when Aimee does her hair and makeup. The black stuff all over is mascara. Waterproof mascara. Ugh.

I don't have a lot to say tonight. I'm tired and ready for bed. Both kids are doing well. Back to work in the morning.

Our "movie" trailer

Check out the official trailer for the show. Its about 4 minutes from the beginning.
Click Here to watch it.

Disneyland

So I did it! I'm so excited. I booked our hotel and rental car for our trip to disneyland. May 3-7. This is a big step for us. A mini vacation. Chase really really really deserves this.

grandkids and pics

Below are two pics from friday afternoon. Both kids got ice cream from the ice cream truck. Of course it was a MESS so I wouldn't let them in the house with it! Mean mommy! Hehe.

I'm very worn out but still smiling. Chase's teacher said that Chase had his best day so far! I'm so relieved and I can see in his face that he's thrilled and so proud. I never could have guessed that we would have such a great week. I am thankful for each moment. Even their cute little fingers poking on my cheeks at 5am to get out of bed and play with them.

Yesterday we were able to resume our weekly family dinners. I didn't realize how much I had missed them. My dad would be proud that our family is keeping with his traditions and values. As I sat on the deck last night with my family, I started thinking about the grandkids (of my mom and dad.) Regardless of all their flaws and struggles, they obviously did something right.

*Samantha is a beautiful young woman who values her independence. She is intelligent and intuitive. In some ways I actually look up to her for knowing WHO she is and refusing to give that up for anything or anyone. She has a strong faith and isn't afraid to help others find Jesus.

*Zachary (my Zachy) is going to be an amazing husband and father someday. He is truly a child of God and has already found his calling in life. Zachy will be a minister and maybe even a missionary overseas. He has the quiet courage to stand up for what he believes. He knows how to make us laugh and is more compassionate than any teenage boy I have ever known.

*Chase...well you all know about him. He's handsome, smart, silly and caring. He is protective of his family, especially his sister. Chase is proof that mental illness does not change who the person is inside. He will be an example for others struggling with mental illness and isn't afraid to share his story.

*Aimee is also protective of her family, but particularly Chase. She loves to cuddle and is quite athletic. If Aimee had a motto, it would be "Everything in its place." Its all about cleanliness and organization for Aimee. Oh and dressing up in my clothes and putting on my makeup.

Not sure why I wanted to share that. Something to do with my dad I guess. I know before he passed he was able to look at his grandkids and know that they were each special in their own way and I know that brought him pride and peace. I miss him. So much.

Today's list

Life is good.

1. I'm finally recovered from my nasty cold. I had it for over a week. Yay for being able to breathe!
2. I stepped WAY out of my comfort zone today and stood up for myself. Although it might cause some future tension. Scratch that - it WILL cause future tension.
3. I installed the special window stuff to keep Chase safe in his room. No more worries about broken window during rages.
4. The discovery channel show is called Bipolar Mysteries: Families in Crisis. It will be on discovery health channel on may 6 at 9pm. I'm nervous but excited to share our story.
5. Aimee is finally getting a grasp on manners.
6. Chase's TBS worker, Natalie, came over today. She is really experienced and I liked her right away. She calls herself a "behavioral coach" and will start observations next week.
7. Chase is doing better than I could have imagined.

Days like today are what keep me going.

He's home.

Chase came home. Finally. I picked him up at noon from San Francisco and he slept during the ride home. His homecoming was one of the sweetest that I've ever seen, even on sappy tv shows. He ran up to Aimee and hugged her, practically swinging her around the front yard. I think she was in shock and didn't respond until we got in the house. Then she started squealing and hugging him until they both fell on the floor laughing. They spent the next two hours playing together and then Chase played outside until dinner.

I am so happy to have Chase home and feeling hopeful that he will remain stable. But there is a concern. One real concern. I think I brought home the wrong kid?!?!?! He looks like Chase, sounds like Chase and even laughs like Chase. So why is this kid asking for more chores and begging me to let him help with laundry and vacuuming?!?! Where did my kid go? Did I end up with Chase Version 2.0? I don't mind at all!

I wish you could all see the smile on my face. I hope you all have a chance to know that your children are safely and peacefully asleep in their own beds. I hope that you hold your children close and cling to that feeling. Please remind me of this evening whenever I start slipping into a ditch of self-pity. I am so blessed.

time

Time sure passes slow when you are missing your child. Two more days.

HOLY CRAP!

HOLY CRAP

http://health.discovery.com/tv/psych-week/episode-guide.html

Scroll to the bottom to the one titled Bipolar Mysteries. Thats our family in the picture....

Then this next one is a video clip...

http://health.discovery.com/videos/health-promos-bring-change-2-mind-kristen-patterson.html

pics only

Aimee and Uncle Kevin Chase playing Air Hockey during a visit.

Chase and his favorite girl, Samantha. (cousin) She brought him a Goofy Darth Vader stuffed animal from Disneyland. He LOVES it.

Easter and pics

Today was Easter and I only got to spend it with one of my babies. I spent 3 hours with Chase last night, but spending Easter without him really hit me hard. Instead of being sad, I'm going to post some happy pictures from the last week.

This is the view from Chase's room. The ocean is ight beyond the last row of houses.

This is Chase's room from his doorway. And my mom on his bed.

Front of the RTC main building. The RTC is over 100 years old and is beautiful.

Below is a picture of my toothless kid! I took this during our visit last night. My boyfriend was there too and his relationship with Chase is a constant reminder of why we are a good match....

I just took this picture a few minutes ago. It shows how little Aimee is compared to our giant cat, Dax.

I was supposed to have 3 overtime shifts this week but there were a bunch of releases at juvenile hall so they canceled most overtime shifts. I needed the overtime, but I guess God is reminding me that I also need to take care of ME.

That's all for now. Happy Easter everyone. God Bless.

honeymoons

Chase has been at the RTC since wednesday. As much as I like the place, it is becoming clearer and clearer just how mentally ill Chase really is. That sounds awful. Mentally ill? Sick? What is the right way to say that? I wish I didn't have to say it at all.

The RTC is amazing. It seems like a really cool boarding school but with a seclusion room on each floor and plexy-glass windows. You can see the ocean waves from Chase's window. I'll post pics soon.

I have heard from many bipolar kids parents that their kids experience "honeymoon phases" when placed in a new environment such as a hospital, school or RTC. Apparently Chase doesn't go on honeymoons... He is raging on nearly every shift at the RTC. At least they are getting a good picture of the illness and can address it. Two weeks isn't a long time to address such big issues, but thats no one's fault but the school district.

I'm working 14 days straight so I need to rest while I can. Tomorrow after work I will have a long visit with Chase.