sunshine

Chase is still great!!! I'm keeping him home from school today. This swine flu has me paranoid and since some of the kids at his school are from Pittsburg, its not a chance I want to take with my kids. I'm looking forward to hanging out with the kids in the sunshine today.

smiles

Today has not been what I expected (thank goodness!) Chase and I spent most of the morning with doctors, all of which he was reasonably well behaved. Then he got a haircut (as seen in the pictures below) and then we picked Aimee up from preschool. Both kids immediately ran outside to use the famous bug vacuum, then played on bikes until their dad came. Jared visited for about 30 minutes. Now both kiddos have eaten dinner and are playing nicely together in Chase's room. The calm before the storm? Or could it be?

Playing nicely TOGETHER!!! Showing me the "lava rocks" she found


The bug catcher! It really is a mini vacuum with a bug trap in it!

Gotta love digging for bugs!

I am smiling. Really smiling

insomnia

And this is what it's like to have extreme insomnia.....blah. and yes I am on sleep meds. obviously they don't help.

Please

Full blown mania has set in.

Please let it just be a fluke and will go away tomorrow. Please

Chase is home!!!

I picked Chase up at 2pm after a meeting with the doctors and social worker. Right away when we got home, his buddy "A" came to play and they went outside with the "Bug Vacuum."

YEAH!

I hardly slept last night because I'm so excited to bring my boy home! The first hospitalization was 55 days and this time 15 days. I'm meeting the treatment team at 2:30pm and after our meeting, I get to get him out of there. I have to say that I am much happier with this hospital than the last one. I think Chase felt more comfortable there too.

I am all smiles this morning, but also tired so I'm going to grab a nap so I'm rested for a great afternoon with my kids. Thanks for all of your prayers.

Doing happy dance!

All I can say is that in 15 hours, Chase will be coming home!!!!!

stuffffff

Why have I been awake since 3am?!?!?! The only reason I can think of is that I'm nervous to find out all the info about Chase that the doctors will tell me when they get to work. I should get the final results of all of the evaluations. The doc should also tell me what SHE recommends for Chase's discharge date. Then I go visit Chase before going to work. I'll update after work.

village

Good day at work. Good visit with Chase. Good afternoon with Aimee. So now what?

After work, J dropped off Aimee. We drove to the hospital, played with Chase for a while and came home.

I just put Aimee to bed after playing playdough and sidewalk chalk. The bathtub water turned all sorts of fun colors when she got in.

So as the quiet sets in, I always start to worry/stress etc. Why does MY son have to be so sick? What are the odds that he's the one kid for whom the meds don't help? What path is the one that leads to his happiness?

On another note, I am honored to be surrounded by so many amazing people. I don't think
I say it enough. It really does take a village to raise a child, and my village has taken on the challenge.

Thank you to my village.

home

Jared has Aimee until tomorrow. I miss her. I spent a long time visiting Chase tonight. He really held it together while I was there. Before I got there, he had to be held in the quiet room on a time out twice. Not where the door was shut, but it was a really rough day for him. I want him home this week. I am going to try to get him home on tuesday. He isn't really doing any better or worse while he's in there. He would be better at home, with his family.

Once he comes home, he will be evaluated the next day or so by the AB3632 county mental health lady. I have been told that his case will be opened immedietly and services put in place ASAP. The Mobile Response Team (MRT) will be available to us right away, which takes a huge burden off of my shoulders. During a rage or crisis, I can call the MRT and they will come to the house to help, talk etc. Chase also has the option of calling them if he feels like he's going to "lose it." I think it will be a good tool for us.

I'm not sure why, but on nights when I'm not working I tend to fall apart between 7-9pm. Maybe I'm just tired and all of the days stress finally settles on my shoulders. 7pm is when Aimee goes to sleep. If Chase was home, we'd be finishing up homework and then curled up on the couch watching Spongebob until 8pm. Then Chase would go to bed and I would relax, clean up and get ready for bed. Without Chase, my routine is thrown off and I don't feel complete.

Proud mommy

I survived yet another graveyard shift! I got off work only to find out that I will once again not be seeing child support this week. Thank goodness for child support services starting the garnishments soon! Just in time for Chase to come home.

I thought about my kiddos a lot overnight while I was at work. I never understood how people could say "they have SUCH different personalities." Well I do now!

Aimee

• HAS to do things herself, she insists on it
• doesn't like to feel dirty
• when she gets mad, she tends to shut down (like ignore me or just lay on the floor)
• never needed a bib, she never got messy while eating
• is really shy at first
• takes FOREVER to do things because she's so detail oriented

Chase

• whines about getting dressed without help
• doesn't even notice if he's dirty
• has no sense of hygiene (he'll walk around all day with snot on his face and his pants unbuttoned)
• is loud, outspoken and makes sure everyone knows when he is mad.
• should wear a helmet and raincoat everyday to keep himself safe and clean
• hugs everyone

and yet despite all that, they are two of the most compassionate and intelligent little people I've ever met. I'm a proud mommy, or I'm just overly tired from working all night. Who knows!

Yay

I don't have a lot of time to post, I'm working my graveyard shift tonight.

Chase's leg/hip is better today. He is doing really well. He is participating in group therapy, following directions etc. I'm so proud and so relieved.

Our goal is to bring him home on tuesday. I feel guarded, but willing to get excited. Yay!

I'm a jungle gym

I changed the layout of the page. I was bored. Tell me if you like it, hate it or think I should tweak it at all.

Chase fell on his right thigh/hip last night. Today a hospital staff and myself accompanied him to the emergency room to have an xray. Three hours later, we were back at the hospital with directions in how to soothe Chase's pulled hip muscle.

Chase did a lot better today. His mood was more stable and his focus was a lot better. I'm praying its not a fluke related to his leg pain.

The psych/neuro evaluation results came in today. The main piece to Chase's puzzle is that he doesn't percieve people/emotions/situations the same way that a neurotypical would. That isn't too surprising, but does explain a lot of his unusual reactions and moods. I don't feel comfortable posting the rest of the results on here, to protect Chase's privacy.

I came home to princess Aimee after being with Chase nearly all day. I am under the impression that she sees me as a human jungle gym. Ouch.

Chase's dad is supposed to be visiting him right now. I pray that he is. Or Chase will be devestated...again.

clonodine

Not in the mood to write tonight.

Jared didn't visit Chase. Chase called me sobbing and telling me his dad doesn't care about him. I kept assuring him that daddy is just busy, but it didn't help. Chase's day went from bad to worse. Oh and the doc is putting Chase on clonodine.

I had a rough night at work. Uneventful but I had a headache and was sleepy all evening.

frustrated

Chase is in the seclusion room right now. I called to talk to him. Obviously I couldn't. I'm waiting for the doc to call me back. His dad can't visit him again tonight. I hope that doesn't set him off even more than he already is. They won't guarantee that if I drive out there this morning, that I will be able to see him. I might have to just skip today.

I spoke with the social worker. With our luck of course she is moving back to England next week, therefore her position will be filled with someone else. She thinks that she will have a copy of the psych/neuro evaluation results by the end of today.

I don't have a lot else to update with. I'm tired and cranky. Gotta get ready for work.

the biggest hug

Today was better than yesterday. Got a little nap this morning, assuming Jared was visiting Chase tonight. He said he was. He promised he would. At noon I sent him a text to confirm, and sure enough, tonight won't "work out" for him. Shocking. So after breaking the news to Chase, he begged me to come visit. It was clear that he just wanted a giant hug from someone who loves him, and I am capable of that.

So I hopped in my car quickly to get to the hospital before work. When I got there I was taken to the little playfield because the kids were "playing outside." It was so hot out there that the kids were in the shade hanging out. Chase and I explored different weeds that he insists are plants. Then we watched the guy on the roof who was working on the air conditioning unit. After a few minutes, it was too hot, so the staff brought everyone back inside. Then Chase gave me the biggest hug with the tightest squeaze and whispered in my ear that he was happy I came so he didn't feel all alone.

Then I went to work and had a good shift. It sure helps when the group of kids are laid back and easy to be around. When I came home tonight, I kissed my little girl and said a prayer for my little boy.

Tomorrow I will talk to the hospital doc, social worker, county mental health worker, child advocate and probably the school. And at some point, I have to go to work. Tomorrow has suddenly become today. Its after midnight. Guess its time for me to close my eyes and try to sleep. Good night.

omg

Long day at work, but thankfully uneventful. I spoke with the hospital around 9am and was told that Chase was VERY hyper, irritable and unable to follow directions. Great start.

I got off work, and Jared was waiting outside to drop off Aimee. We took a drive from my job to the hospital. I didn't want to bring Aimee with me since Chase is unstable, but I had no choice since Jared was so quick to hand her over. I was warned by my favorite staff that Chase was having a very hard day and that he'd been in the "Quiet Room." I'm not surprised, since he is essentially unmedicated, but that's never something that a mother wants to hear.

Our visit with Chase didn't last long. Chase had bite marks all over his right arm and a red mark around his neck. He told me that he did it to himself when he decided to die. Staff confirmed that he had tried that and that they tried to call while I was at work. I'm not sure while I didn't get the call.

Aimee refused to give him back his crayon so he raised his fist to punch her in the face. I grabbed his hand and stopped him, but we had to leave. It broke my heart. Aimee had no real clue. I told my favorite staff what had happened, and we left as Chase cried. All I can do is keep Aimee safe while Chase gets the help he needs. But I'm so torn. I wanted to hold my little boy in my arms to protect him from himself.

Aimee and I came home and decided to go play in the sprinklers in the backyard. Instead, this is what I found.....

No clue how the patio table shattered. Maybe the heat, maybe something broke it. Either way, tomorrow will be a long day of cleanup.

Here are some other pics from this evening. I love taking pics of my sweet little girl, but something is missing and you can guess what it is. His name is Chase. He's supposed to be with us. In these pictures.

go fish

Chase is close to being unmedicated. He should be off all meds by monday. So far there are no behaviors that are worse/better than when he was on the higher dosages. During my visit today, we played five games of "Go Fish."

After an exhausting 24 hours (not related to my kiddos), all I want to do is crawl in bed. If I go to sleep now, I'll be up all night. I go back to work tomorrow. Yay....

I can't wait to get Aimee back tomorrow and hopefully have Chase home next week.

Not so short post

I'm tired so this won't be too long tonight...

Meredith took me out for a congradulatory lunch. Is that even a word? Either way, she wanted to celebrate the official divorce day. Lunch was yummy and then I got to go hang out with my favorite doggy in the whole world, Howie. In case you all aren't aware of it, Howie knows all my secrets. He's my 110lb therapist. We hung out in the sunshine together. The most relaxing hour of my week.

I used the new babysitter, "M" tonight. She was fantastic! (thats my favorite word of the week) Not only was she 5 minutes early, but Aimee had a good time with her. She even straightened up the house! Man I have good taste. Well not for husbands....but you know what I mean!

I visited Chase tonight and brought paper, crayons and a little picture book of family pics. We had fun drawing each other pictures. I saw some hints of anger coming out of him, but no major issues. The doc, the social worker and the charge nurse called to check in with me today. I really feel like they are on top of things. The psych eval will likely get started tomorrow and he will be off all meds by monday. No complaints!

So thats it for my day. So much for the short post today. Sorry!

long one

First things First.... As of today, I am officially divorced according to the state. The last 6 months have gone by so fast. There is other stuff that I have to say on this subject, but I've got to censor myself since this is supposed to be about Chase, not me.

Other stuff:

-I really like Chase's social worker from the hospital. Her name is Julie and she has a fantastic accent. Its something from Europe but not French, Spanish or British. She calls me everyday and answers all of the questions I have.

-The hospital only has 6 kids and the same amount of staff as the other hospital. Thats good for Chase.

-Chase can call me whenever he wants (except during groups or therapy)

-Chase has his own room. At John Muir, he had multiple peer conflicts with his roommates, partially due to the fact that he was so much younger than the other children.

-The doctors listen to my concerns and take them seriously. They have already significantly decreased Chase's meds.

-In the next week or so, he will be having psychological and neurological testing. That way we will have a more complete picture of what is going on in Chase's brain. John Muir never offered this to us.

-Overall, he is behaving better this time. Of course it could be based on the fact that he knows what to expect and that he is rewarded for good behavior.

I feel good about this hospitalization. I see the last experience in the hospital as a sort of crisis intervention. This time, we know what the problems are, we know what the plan is to help Chase and we have a plan in place for when he comes home.

Time for me to start getting stuff done around here before I meet with his intensive outpatient doc this afternoon....

Control Freak

I can't sleep. At least I no plans for today. I hope I get to talk with Chase's psychiatrist at the hospital. I feel like I'm out of the loop right now, and for anyone who knows me, I can't stand that. Not that I'm a control freak or anything....

5150

I can't even remember what I posted last night/this morning. I've moved through this day in a fog. Its all a blur...guess I can break it down for ya (I ALMOST sound ghetto) haha

I was able to sleep in this morning (my mom had Aimee), but of course I couldn't. My brain wouldn't shut off and I was counting minutes until I could call to check on Chase.

I called Chase, he sounded fine but tired. I don't blame him! He was up later than he has ever been.

I went to the meeting for AB3632. It was supposed to be an evaluation of Chase, but obviously he wasn't there. I went anyway, as there was a ton of info that needed to be filled in etc. I never expected a Clinical Psychologist to treat me like a 12 year old... Oh and get this: the assessment can't get finished until the idiot doc meets Chase, but she "can't" go to the hospital to meet him because she can't bill for her time. I'm not a violent person, but.....

The next few hours are a blur of phone calls with every person on Chase's team, fax machines and voicemails.

I left to visit Chase at around 5pm, not knowing how long the drive would be since this is a brand new hospital for us. I got there early to find that this hospital is very different from the last one. I can't even really describe the differnce. I guess it will take time to get a feel for it. Chase cuddled with me, then we played games and worked a puzzle until visiting was over. He gave me a huge hug and as I approached the very end of the hallway, he yelled "I LOVE YOU MOMMY!" Try not to sob when you hear that as your leave your baby behind...

I came home and was short with my mom. I do not feel like socializing right now. It takes everything I have to keep from crying. If Chase isn't coming home soon, I'm gonna go back to work until he does come home. Distraction is good.

I apologize in advance to those of you that are reaching out to me right now. I am thankful, but unable to really accept emotional support. That sounds nuts. Maybe that's why I throw all of my feelings onto this stupid laptop. I don't have to see anyone's reactions to my words. I don't worry that someone might see me cry. I don't worry that anyone is judging me as they watch me fall apart.

Back in the hospital

Chase was 5150'd again tonight after raging at daycare for so long that the room looked like a tornado and the teacher was beat up. As soon as he stopped raging, he immediatly began going to the daycare kitchen to get a knife so he could kill himself. He also pooped in his pants during his rage.

After discussing everything with Jared, we decided he needed to go back to the hospital. Chase is on so many meds. And the fact that he's still cycling so bad, means something isn't working. We are having them do a med wash starting tomorrow. That means Chase will slowly come off of all medications. From there, they will study him and make slow and calculated medication/diet adjustments.

Until recently, I have always believed that God invented doctors who invented medicines to help sick people and that we have no reason to shy away from those medications. I had faith in that theory. I gave my son up to the world of psychopharmacology. So where has my son gone? I'm going to find out.

Don't get me wrong, Chase will need to be on medication for the rest of his life, but i feel like we have placed too much "faith" in medications and far too little on therapy, diet and behavioral coaching. I think each of these things are important components to Chase's treatment and we need to get back to that.

My boy will get help. My boy will grow into an amazing adult. My boy will need a lot of help along the way, but he will get there.

Back to the story (I got side tracked).....
So we went home, I packed a backpack of snacks, water bottles and little activities. Then Chase and I went to the Emergency room. Meredith brought us dinner thank goodness. We were starving. Jared came by for a bit.

When everyone left, it was obvious that Chase was tired so I asked to be moved into a room with a bed. We curled up in the bed and both fell asleep for almost 2 hours while the doctors tried to find a bed for chase on a children's unit.

John Muir (where he was last time) will not accept Chase back. They say that he needs to be in a residential facility and they can't struture their program around Chase's needs. So the only other option is a childrens unit in Vallejo. At this point, I figure he will be safe and I can visit him tomorrow morning.

There is a definate upside to this and I intend to focus on that instead of the whole in my heart.

Tuesday is the big AB3632 evaluation. That means that I will go to the evaluation, give them all of the information that I can and then advise them to do their evaluation at the hospital. I dare them to not accept them into their program. Our chances are good and with the advocate behind us, I am feeling confidant that Chase will get the help he needs through the school district.

With all of that said, I'm going to bed since I have such a busy day ahead of me. Prayers welcome, appreciated, and needed. Hospitalization #2 starts 4/13/09.

Fevers, Eggs and Rooms

Gotta love the pics. We were all camera happy on Easter. Got some funny shots though.

Just to clarify, I AM keeping Jared's last name. The reason is because my children are Pattersons. Therefore I am a Patterson. Just less confusing that way.

Chase had an absolute blast. Of course now Aimee has a fever. She's in bed with me and now Chase is trying to get in the bed. This is ridiculus. And the chances of me getting a nap tomorrow are nil to none.

When we got home from our lovely Easter with my family, the house next door to us was having a pool party. Chase immediatly hook up with afore mentioned friend, A. They played outside until WAY after Chase's bedtime. Chase said this is the best easter ever. That's exactly what I was hoping for.

Now im so tired i'm just gonna go to sleep. maybe. both kids are in my bed. i might just go in another bed before they knock me out of my own bed... Ever since Jared moved out, my room is still MY room, but the kids come in it and relax. Its not everynight but I don't feel right kicking them out. am i wrong? Its not like I have a man sleepin in here. its just me and my bed is comfy.

ok i really got to sleep...

Easter Smith Style

See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil

My parents and Chase's cousins

night off

When a mom finally has a night "off" from her kiddos, isn't she supposed to be excited? Relaxed? and have plans? HA! I'm hanging out on my couch. Lame.

babysitter

For once I can say this and be sure: I made the right decision last night. That isn't to say that I will make the same decision again, but for now, I made the right decision.

Chase isn't doing well. But he is much better than last night. He isn't hearing things. He isn't raging, and he made it through an entire day without going to the support room.

I interviewed two babysitters today. I am looking for someone to stay with the kids on tuesday nights while I work until 11pm. My mom has too much on her plate to committ to two days a week. I liked them both. They are both nice, understanding, patient and seem to be comfortable around Chase.

But one of them, we will call her "M" really seems to be a perfect fit. She is fun, comfortable, and firm. She has experience with special needs kids and doesn't seem phased by the details I have shared with her about Chase. I did a background check and have found nothing interesting, which is fantastic. Aimee warmed up to her rather quickly, and anyone who knows her understands that that is a big deal.

I feel more relaxed about going back to work full time in a week.

Chase went to bed early again tonight. He went to bed in his own bed in his own room. I'm so thankful for that.

Options

Chase had ANOTHER rough day at school, but nothing real violent (an improvement.) Due to his nasty cold, the bus brought him straight home.

Not feeling good, Chase curled up on the couch with me and we watched TV for a while. This is where the story gets creepy.....

He leaned to the other side of the couch and I could see that something was wrong. I asked if he was okay and he wouldn't answer me. I noticed he was shaking and no longer looking at the TV. He actually wasn't looking at anything, his face was just blank.

Finally he looked at me and said, "The voices are telling me to kill you and then to kill myself." His fists were clenched and he didn't even blink. He didn't move while I called his psychiatrist.

Once again, I was given the usual two options:

1. Bring Chase back to the hospital.
2. Do my best to keep Chase safe at home.

I chose option #2. I don't work tomorrow, so I will be able to stay with Chase. There aren't a lot of medication possiblities left right now. So therapy, behavior modification and a ton of love are the only hope that we have to get Chase through this right now.

Advice, friends and flatulence

Another rough day at school. After talking to different docs and moms of other special needs kids, having a rough time at school isn't nearly as bad as it sounds. Chase needs the school district to provide more services to him. If he is just sailing along in school with no issues, they won't consider giving him more services. So the fact that he is struggling in school right now may eventually lead to improvement in the long term. Maybe they will get desperate and start throwing behavioralists and therapists in our direction! (Hey I can dream, right?!?!)

After coming home tonight, Chase's neighbor friend (his only REAL friend outside of school), we will call him "A" came over. He is also a bipolar child although not as severe as Chase. The boys get along and really have fun when they are together. They played in Chase's room with his cars for about an hour while I was able to get Aimee ready for bed and spend some alone time with her. I overheard Chase ask "A" a question while in his room. He said, "Did you miss me when I was in the hospital?" And the response was, "I REALLY missed you! Even ask your mom! Don't go back there because I want to play with you a lot." So sweet. Chase deserves to have at least one really good friend who stands by him. I know in my life I've been blessed with such good friends and there are days I don't know how I would have gotten through without them.

I went to the Special Kids Foundation meeting tonight. http://www.spkids.org/ I joined the group about a year ago. Its very powerful to be surrounded by so many heroic mothers. Each mother has learned to advocate for their child with special needs and I am lucky to have the opportunity to learn from them. By the way, if anyone local is reading this, please join us for the 3rd Annual Wine and Chocolate Tasting. Help the foundation build a facility in Oakley that can serve the families of East County children with special needs. http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs034/1102398051587/archive/1102444551332.html

I guess that's about it for tonight. I'm lying in bed trying to ignore the fact that my cat has horrible gas. Anyone want a stinky cat? "Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, What are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, its not your fault" Anyone remember that episode of Friends?

Turn it around

Chase had a bad day. Two giant rages at school. Great. The good news is that he was amazing for me today. Smooth sailing at our house tonight. We had dinner, got baths, got Aimee in bed, and did homework. Chase even told me he wanted to call his doctor to tell him that he was able to "turn it around" today. Thats something that we've been working on.... one or two bad things or behaviors does not mean the rest of the day doesn't matter, he can always turn it around.

Random Pics from this week

Chase got a new suitcase. Of course he had to pack it right away.

Sis in Law Julie helped me find the perfect decoration for above my new bed.

A normal afternoon at our house. Aimee relaxing on the front porch with our favorite blind kitty, Frank. I think Frank has adopted us. Dax isn't too happy about that!

i'm a grump

Why do I bother making a nice dinner for two kids who would prefer to live off of cereal bars and string cheese? What a waste.... I'm in a horrible mood. Nothing important to post. Chase had a good day. Chase went to bed early by his own choice. Aimee is a pain in the butt. She screamed through her entire bath. Found out later, that Chase spent the whole time talking to our neighbor from my bedroom window. Gotta wonder what he was sayin...

Anyone want to cheer me up?!?! IM me....Yahoo IM Ravenbug88. I dare you.

Extreme sleeper

This is probably the strangest story of Chase so far....

9:30 pm last night. I'm in my bed reading a book. Chase comes walking into my room and stands in the doorway. He looks kinda spacey. I asked him if he is ok. He says "I have to go to the bathroom." I told him to go to the bathroom....and he does. Literally. He stood in my doorway, in his pajamas, and emptied his entire bladder on the carpet in my room.

As soon as he was done, he didn't budge. He stood there, in a puddle of his own urine. I took him by the hand and went into the bathroom. He couldn't talk or even do things on his own. It was VERY creepy. I got him cleaned up and changed. Then he got right back in his bed and slept for the rest of the night.

I know that the Lithium can create an overactive bladder, but is this also a related side effect?

This morning Chase had no memory of the incident. In fact, he accused me of lying. He must have been sleeping the whole time. Maybe we should start a new reality show, Extreme Sleepers...

Whatever!

Chase and Aimee came home from their night with daddy. Right away, Chase wanted to play outside. His mood seemed pretty stable. After playing outside for a bit, we went shopping.

Chase doesn't seem to be dealing with any major bipolar problems right now, besides the random rage here and there. His main issue is just being disrespectful. Chase has always had his moments, but after leaving the hospital, he loves to say "Whatever!" and is constantly rolling his eyes. A lot of people have told me to pick my battles. So, assuming Chase isn't raging, hurting anyone, or swearing, I should just let it go?!?!?! I can't. Any other child would be in trouble for doing those things, so can't I hold Chase to that same standard?

Back to school tomorrow. Chase's goal is to make it through the entire day without going in to the support room.

The best part of my day....I'm sitting on the couch with Chase right now under the blanket. We are watching our favorite show, "Extreme Makeover Home Edition." And yes, we are the dorks that sit in front of the tv and yell "Move that Bus!"

Rages and Beds

Rages

So it looks like Chase can get through most of the days without major issues. But the rages are back and happening daily. Today at school he had to be restrained. Again. The teachers note says, "At 11am, he began throwing chairs, hitting teachers and screaming. He had to be taken to the support room until the rage subsided." At least today was friday.

After school Chase was in a great mood. We went to pick Aimee up and came home to play outside. While outside, Chase got in trouble and had to come inside. Thus began Rage #2. This one didn't last as long but has me worried about Aimee. During this rage, Aimee just stood there. She didn't back up, she didn't cry, she didn't even flinch. How is it that a two year old can completely normalize a rage that would have a stranger calling the cops?

Beds

My bed was delivered tonight! I love it! I'll get a good night sleep in it before work tomorrow.

Bakugan?

Chase had a good day today! I spoke with his teacher after school. She said that he had a good day but fell apart during the last 10 minutes or so. I feel so much better tonight.

After school, Chase played outside until bedtime. He's obsessed with some weird little toys called Bakugan. They are little balls that kinda remind me of the Transformers that I played with. How is it that Chase can keep track of 9 little balls but can't remember where he put his lunchbox?!?!?!?!

Tomorrow morning I have meetings with the intensive outpatient doc and the case manager. Fun.... I am not sure what we plan to accomplish at this point since the school district meeting isn't until tuesday.

Thanks to certain people....this blog is going away

Due to certain people using information on this blog as ammunition against Chase and myself, I will be removing this blog. The people I'm talking about know who they are. Everyone else, go ahead and email me at Ravenbug88@yahoo.com and I will give you the new URL to the blog. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Private

I have created a private blog for stuff that I don't feel comfortable saying here. For example, gripes about ex's, work drama, my own issues etc. If you want access to it, leave me a comment and I'll give you the URL.

2am

Despite another awful day at school, we survived Wednesday. When Chase came home, he was tired and cranky but not violent. He played outside all afternoon and went to bed without any problems. He is still pretty high on the irritable side of things but maybe we can hang in there through this week at home.



April 6th will be here soon. That is when the AB3632 meeting happens....



Obviously I still can't sleep. I swear I am the queen of all sleeping medications. I have taken them all in my life and yet here I am. Wide awake at 2am.

Strange morning

This morning Chase is:

• wandering around the house
• hearing voices
• scared
• says the feelings are moving so fast in his head
• violent
• throwing things at me
• talking strange
• says he isn't safe
• cycling so fast
• restless
• crying
• hyper

Please pray for Chase today.