custody

Today has been rough. Due to work, I haven't seen Chase since sunday and I miss him like crazy. I'll see him tomorrow though. I speak with him on the phone 3-4 times/day. Today I spoke briefly with his doctor and got very upset.

She said "ideally Chase would leave here and be transported directly to a residential treatment center. Since that isn't realistic based on the county moving slowly, we are looking at other discharge options. Chase might go stay with his dad for a while when he leaves?" WTF?!?!?!?!

After Jared got fired, he suggested that Chase stay with him for a while. I'd love some honest opinions here.

• I have sole physical and joint legal custody of both kids.
• Up until 2 weeks ago, Jared had never met any of Chase's doctors.
• Jared has no job.
• Jared lives in another county with his mom. All county services would end until he could get some through the other county.
• Jared stays half the time with his girlfriend in Brentwood. Not a consistent living situation.
• The county is about to freeze his bank account and take a good part of any unemployment, to pay child support because Jared refuses to take care of his children's financial needs.
• Jared has no income to pay medical bills for Chase, or even feed him.
• Jared is mean to Chase.
• The latest psychological testing done by the hospital showed evidence of abandonment and self esteem issues directly related to Jared.
• Jared constantly goes against doctors suggestions regarding violent tv shows and video games for Chase.
• Chase would lose his placement at his current special day school.
• I am currently dealing with a social worker about possibly filing a CPS resport on Jared regarding Aimee.

Am I nuts for thinking that Chase living with his dad is completely unacceptable for a child in this situation? I know that I need to keep Aimee safe, but I'm confident that with the new nanny and all of the support of family and friends, Aimee would be taken care of if Chase is unstable. Chase being at home is clearly not the solution. But until a better solution is presented to us, we will have to make it work. With the new wrap around services and MRT, we have a better chance that we did even 2 months ago.

Please either email me or comment with your brutally honest opinions. Ravenbug88@yahoo.com

clonodine

Not in the mood to write tonight.

Jared didn't visit Chase. Chase called me sobbing and telling me his dad doesn't care about him. I kept assuring him that daddy is just busy, but it didn't help. Chase's day went from bad to worse. Oh and the doc is putting Chase on clonodine.

I had a rough night at work. Uneventful but I had a headache and was sleepy all evening.

frustrated

Chase is in the seclusion room right now. I called to talk to him. Obviously I couldn't. I'm waiting for the doc to call me back. His dad can't visit him again tonight. I hope that doesn't set him off even more than he already is. They won't guarantee that if I drive out there this morning, that I will be able to see him. I might have to just skip today.

I spoke with the social worker. With our luck of course she is moving back to England next week, therefore her position will be filled with someone else. She thinks that she will have a copy of the psych/neuro evaluation results by the end of today.

I don't have a lot else to update with. I'm tired and cranky. Gotta get ready for work.

the biggest hug

Today was better than yesterday. Got a little nap this morning, assuming Jared was visiting Chase tonight. He said he was. He promised he would. At noon I sent him a text to confirm, and sure enough, tonight won't "work out" for him. Shocking. So after breaking the news to Chase, he begged me to come visit. It was clear that he just wanted a giant hug from someone who loves him, and I am capable of that.

So I hopped in my car quickly to get to the hospital before work. When I got there I was taken to the little playfield because the kids were "playing outside." It was so hot out there that the kids were in the shade hanging out. Chase and I explored different weeds that he insists are plants. Then we watched the guy on the roof who was working on the air conditioning unit. After a few minutes, it was too hot, so the staff brought everyone back inside. Then Chase gave me the biggest hug with the tightest squeaze and whispered in my ear that he was happy I came so he didn't feel all alone.

Then I went to work and had a good shift. It sure helps when the group of kids are laid back and easy to be around. When I came home tonight, I kissed my little girl and said a prayer for my little boy.

Tomorrow I will talk to the hospital doc, social worker, county mental health worker, child advocate and probably the school. And at some point, I have to go to work. Tomorrow has suddenly become today. Its after midnight. Guess its time for me to close my eyes and try to sleep. Good night.

omg

Long day at work, but thankfully uneventful. I spoke with the hospital around 9am and was told that Chase was VERY hyper, irritable and unable to follow directions. Great start.

I got off work, and Jared was waiting outside to drop off Aimee. We took a drive from my job to the hospital. I didn't want to bring Aimee with me since Chase is unstable, but I had no choice since Jared was so quick to hand her over. I was warned by my favorite staff that Chase was having a very hard day and that he'd been in the "Quiet Room." I'm not surprised, since he is essentially unmedicated, but that's never something that a mother wants to hear.

Our visit with Chase didn't last long. Chase had bite marks all over his right arm and a red mark around his neck. He told me that he did it to himself when he decided to die. Staff confirmed that he had tried that and that they tried to call while I was at work. I'm not sure while I didn't get the call.

Aimee refused to give him back his crayon so he raised his fist to punch her in the face. I grabbed his hand and stopped him, but we had to leave. It broke my heart. Aimee had no real clue. I told my favorite staff what had happened, and we left as Chase cried. All I can do is keep Aimee safe while Chase gets the help he needs. But I'm so torn. I wanted to hold my little boy in my arms to protect him from himself.

Aimee and I came home and decided to go play in the sprinklers in the backyard. Instead, this is what I found.....

No clue how the patio table shattered. Maybe the heat, maybe something broke it. Either way, tomorrow will be a long day of cleanup.

Here are some other pics from this evening. I love taking pics of my sweet little girl, but something is missing and you can guess what it is. His name is Chase. He's supposed to be with us. In these pictures.