Hugs

I *think* I fixed my laptop. Knock on wood.

Things with Chase have been amazing. He is having great days at school and being a little fish when he's home, swimming every day.

Each day I see Chase maturing and being more self aware. Today Chase taught me how to make a car out of Lego's. He also taught me that hugs are the best feeling. Even when the "hugger" is soaking wet from the pool and the "hug-ee" is dry and trying to get to the store.

Laptop virus

My laptop has a virus or something so I won't really be posting until I get it fixed. All good around here. Email me if you need anything. Ravenbug88@yahoo.com

blessing

I'm not sure what to write tonight. I was at work all day so I didn't get to see Chase or Aimee. Of course now they are sleeping but I'm sure Chase will get up WAY too early so I should be seeing him in about 5 hours. Ugh....

Chase has been home for about 10 weeks. I can count on one hand the number of serious rages in those 10 weeks. What a blessing.

Father's day tears

:::Teensie update since yesterdays entry::: Chase is actually 59lbs. If anyone has any ideas to help him put on weight in a healthy way, let me know. Maybe Ensure drinks or something? He isn't weak or anything and has the same amount of energy as always.

Kevin is back and its nice to have an extra set of hands (and eyes!) As much as I might complain about him, I couldn't imagine our lives without him around.

Tomorrow is Father's Day so please bear with me. Two rough things are hitting me already. 1. My children haven't seen their father since November and will celebrate their first Father's Day without their father around. 2. Its my first Father's Day without my dad. I have spent every Father's day with my dad since I can remember.

Now that I'm all emotional about a silly Hallmark holiday, I'm going to get comfy in bed and remind myself to be thankful for the men in our lives. Uncle Kevin, Uncle Steve, Zachary and my boyfriend. Hold your dad tight tomorrow please.

skinny

I apologize for disappearing for days at a time. I had a great week with my kids and my amazing boyfriend. (Uncle Kevin went back to his hometown for the week.)

Chase had his psychiatrist appointment today and for the first time, we dragged Aimee along with us. I saw Chase in a new light today. He was really showing off his sister to the receptionist and psychiatrist and showing them that he is a good big brother. He was full of pride! Most of his issues with Aimee is normal sibling rivalry but it still makes me feel good.

No medication changes needed at this point. Still no weight gain in 2 years... 62lbs and 53inches. His ribs and chest bones are really protruding. See below. The doc is slightly concerned but all lab tests have come back negative. I think by winter if he doesnt gain more weight they will start doing a lot more testing.

Happy Birthday Aimee!

Sometimes I wonder how I ended up with such amazing children. Just watching them makes me smile. For two days in a row now, both kids have been playing peacefully TOGETHER and have such fun. I know its a period of grace but God let me have the time and patience to enjoy every minute of it. Life will have its ups and downs but the ups are the moments that help me get through all the downs. My little one is officially 4 years old today. Yay Aimee! Chase's birthday is next on July 13.

Chase at 1 day old

July 2002

Aimee at 1 day old
June 2006

Seems like forever ago when my kids were tiny little babies. Good night everyone.

A few pics

I don't really feel like posting today but wanted to share a few pics that I came across. The birthday ones are from today. Another rough evening missing my dad. He loved family fun on their dock during the summer time. He always said that is the reason they bought the house on the water. For us to have a place to come together.

Chase liked Aimee's birthday cake.

The kids had a blast swimming with their cousin Sam.

We all had fun swimming in the Delta. Aimee doesn't look happy in this picture but she was really excited to be swimming in the Delta like the "big kids."

A picture I found on my mom's camera from a while back. Our doggie Sara and Aimee.
This is a picture of my beautiful mom and I.

I hope you all have a blessed evening. Hug your loved ones tight and remember that each day together is a gift. And don't forget a good shower after swimming in the Delta....ugh.

school

Today is Chase's last day of 2nd grade! He is so excited. He starts summer school next thursday but there will be no homework and they are only 1/2 days.

This morning I'm going to run a bunch of errands. Yay...wonder how early Target opens...

Bump or beginning

Howdy! I'm in a good mood because today is my FRIDAY at work. Granted its going to be a 12 hour shift, but tomorrow i get to hang out in my pajamas while both kids are at school.

Yesterday was a hard day. Chase seems a bit on edge but not raging. He spent his day at school sleeping under his desk, whining and staying in the support room. The first thing the teacher asked was if he got his meds. Of course he did. Then she asked if he was tired because Chase told her I didn't put him to bed until 2AM!!!! I said nope. He was asleep by 8:30pm. He was okay when he came home as long as Aimee left him alone.

One thing that I'm loving currently is Chase's strong desire to help me. He is so proud when I ask for help and he's able to do it. He's great at putting laundry away and emptying the waste baskets in the house.

Thats all for now. Please pray that this irritability is just a bump on the road and not the beginning of something bigger.

Oh and I think the Bipolar Mysteries on Discovery Health Channel will aire again on June 13th.

deadbeats and blood

So I went out of my way (and my comfort zone) to be the "bigger person" this week. I had the kids send birthday cards with recent photos to their father/sperm donor/deadbeat. I thought if anything, it might encourage him to pick up the phone and call his children to thank them. Nope. Wrong. He didn't call. And then today Chase started getting worried that he never GOT the cards so I let him call. Wrong again. Bad idea. Its been 7 months since he has seen his children, held their hands, seen their smiles. Makes me sick. And to know that he is missing out on the most stable period so far in Chase's entire life.....pathetic.

Ok I'm done on that little rant. For now!

Chase's sleep issues are getting worse but I think part of that is the weather. I hope. Its something we will have to discuss at the doc this week. He takes hours to fall asleep and then sleeps perfectly until about 5am. I might do some experimenting this summer with Chase's bedtime. :::crossing fingers::::

I donated blood today. It felt good to do it and to explain to Chase why it is important. I feel like he learned a lot at the blood bank today and was even just a *tad* bit proud that HIS mom was brave and donating. I need to get back into the routine of doing things like this. Makes me feel proud and teaches my children important lessons about caring for others.

Time for sleep. Work tomorrow. yay.

last year

Birthdays are coming and after last years fiasco we will be keeping them VERY mellow. For anyone that doesn't remember, I had a big party planned for Aimee's birthday on June 15. Invited kids from her school and lots of family and friends. And then Chase went in the hospital. Again. And then my dad got put on hospice. I was able to notify most people that the party was canceled but there were a few people from the daycare that I had no contact info for. They showed up. Ugh. I felt awful and like such a flake. Everyone understood, but it was still disappointing.

Then we just didn't plan a party for Chase since he was in the hospital anyway. When he came home we did a little party at my parents house so my dad could be there. It actually turned out to be pretty special. My dad was doing really well that day. See pics below.

Safe

Chase tried to throw the wood frame of his bed tonight. He now has a mattress on the floor in his room. That's all. No dresser, curtains, books, toys or even clothes. Just a mattress.

I want to fix him. Why can't I just fix him? I don't want him to be so angry that he will put his own life in danger. Its my job to keep him safe. I try. I can. Usually. What happens when I can't anymore?