5150 again

Chase is back in the hospital. Let me back up so you can understand this nightmare-ish week.

• Saturday - Chase raged/ran away
  
• Sunday - ok
  
• Monday - Good day but raged at night (window involved)
  
• Tuesday - Raged ALL morning. Calmed down, got on bus but was kicked off the bus nearly immediately. More violence. Hallucinations. MRT responded.
  
• Wednesday - Great morning. Great bus ride. Suspended from school by 9am. More hallucinations. Severe cycles plus psychosis. MRT responded.
  
• Thursday - Mania for 3 hours and then deep depression and sleep for 3 hours. Psychiatrist appointment. Two options. Hospitalization or Haldol (MAJOR antipsychotic med). Got Haldol. Still hallucinating but cycling slowed. Hallucinations/Night terrors
  
• Friday - Very confused and spacey. Lapses in memory. Strange behaviors. MRT responded. Climbed over 2nd story landing and started to jump. He stopped when he saw me. Was unaware that he was even near the landing (while leaning over it.) To the hospital. 5150'd and transported to the same hospital as before.

So thats a little summary. Chase is in the same hospital that he has been in 3 times before. We don't really have a game plan yet but will get started on medication adjustments tomorrow morning when his regular doctor gets there. He is doing ok. He feels better being there and knows he needs more help than he can get at home. Visits have been great yesterday and today. Very focused and good attention span.

Please pray for Chase.

I'm sleepy and going to cuddle with Aimee and then crawl into my bed. Good night.

film

Time for my usual "middle of the night" post.....

Aimee had her last day of Vacation Bible School. She had a blast. After VBS we went to the park but didn't stay long because even the play equipment was hot!


I spent the day with my dad. No real conversation, just more hallucinations.


Then we came home and relaxed until Jared picked her up for the weekend.

Then off to visit Chase. I brought him a Star Wars puzzle (100 pieces). He worked the entire puzzle while I sat with him. We talked about things like his medicine, behavior, birthday party, Aimee, and towards the end of the visit...grandpa.

He asked about grandpa. I told him that grandpa can't get out of bed still and is having a really hard time. He told me that when grandpa dies, he'll be in heaven and it will be better. Then he asked to change the subject because he didn't feel like crying.

Oh and Chase might be coming home from the hospital on sunday.

I got an email from Sarah (the one from 20/20). I guess 20/20 dropped the entire segment when we dropped out. Oh well....video of Chase in the seclusion room is NOT going to be on national TV. But she wanted me to know that she is working on an independent film regarding childhood bipolar. She said that there would be a lot more interviews, daily routines etc. There is no pressure from the 20/20 people to make it "very dramatic." She just wants it to be real and has agreed to have no footage from his hospitalizations. No decisions made on my part. She will call me after work to "sell" it to me. We shall see. I DO think that the word needs to get out that these children are sick and not just bad kids. I just want to be sure it is done in a way that will not harm my son emotionally.

Ok I guess I should get to sleep. Again. I get up for work in 3 hours.

hospice

Chase is at the hospital. The one that he was in during his last "stay." Once again changing meds. They are likely going to discontinue the thorazine and abilify, and add zyprexa. So he would be on Clonidine and Zyprexa. We shall see....

My dad is a fighter. After a few days of constant hallucinations, he had a great morning. He was awake with me for about 2 hours. We were talking about his neighbors, boats that were sold in the neighborhood, my kiddos, my job, my brother, my mom, pooping, etc. He knew who I was the whole time. Before I left, I leaned over him for a hug and he hugged me back and rubbed my arm. I know that sounds lame, but things like that are what make my dad special. He is not afraid to show emotion. Love, sadness, happiness, and especially anger. lol.

The hospice nurse was there when I was with my dad. She took his blood pressure and pulse. She wrote it down but didn't show it to us or even mention it. Makes me wonder... He is also off all meds that aren't for pain management, or for pooping. His heart is failing and his cancer is spreading. All of those sorts of things are making this so real to me.

Aimee had another great day at preschool. When I picked her up, her hair was a mess. It WAS in pigtails, but she took the hairties out and her hair was still in the shape of the pigtails. Too bad I didn't have my camera handy.

I'm going to take some Ambien tonight. You will know that it helped if I'm not writing a random post in the middle of the night....

Aimee is THREE!

I swear I'll have pictures to post soon. Today (June 15) is Aimee's third birthday. We had a BUSY day.

This morning we went and officially signed Aimee up for her new preschool program and she got to see her classroom.

We went to the City Park after visiting Meredith at work. Aimee even said "bye" to her! The kids had a blast at the park.

We went to Chuck E Cheese. One of the games malfunctioned and started spitting out ALL of the tickets. The worker lady told Chase he could keep them! He ended up having over 1000 tickets. What did he get for that? A stupid 10" tall stuffed animal that looks like it was made in a straw shed. Aimee fell in love with a little Bob the Builder ride. I swear she rode it maybe 10 times!

We went over to see my daddy. He seems to spend 99% of the time hallucinating or sleeping, but when the kids come around, he opens his eyes and talks and makes sense. My mom took the kids outside so I could spend some alone time with him. I am so thankful for this time. I am so thankful that Meredith forced me to say things to my dad that needed to be said. When he passes, he will have no doubt that I love him and am so thankful that he's my daddy.

On the way home, I cried. As always. Then Aimee took a nap, Mel came over to babysit and I went to work. Chase started raging at bedtime. Thank goodness for MRT (again!).

Work sucked. Now I'm in bed. Tomorrow won't be so busy but I go to work early for a stupid training. Oh well....easy overtime. Oh and I haven't cried since noon! its been almost 12 hours! its a miracle!

Options

Chase had ANOTHER rough day at school, but nothing real violent (an improvement.) Due to his nasty cold, the bus brought him straight home.

Not feeling good, Chase curled up on the couch with me and we watched TV for a while. This is where the story gets creepy.....

He leaned to the other side of the couch and I could see that something was wrong. I asked if he was okay and he wouldn't answer me. I noticed he was shaking and no longer looking at the TV. He actually wasn't looking at anything, his face was just blank.

Finally he looked at me and said, "The voices are telling me to kill you and then to kill myself." His fists were clenched and he didn't even blink. He didn't move while I called his psychiatrist.

Once again, I was given the usual two options:

1. Bring Chase back to the hospital.
2. Do my best to keep Chase safe at home.

I chose option #2. I don't work tomorrow, so I will be able to stay with Chase. There aren't a lot of medication possiblities left right now. So therapy, behavior modification and a ton of love are the only hope that we have to get Chase through this right now.