5150

I can't even remember what I posted last night/this morning. I've moved through this day in a fog. Its all a blur...guess I can break it down for ya (I ALMOST sound ghetto) haha

I was able to sleep in this morning (my mom had Aimee), but of course I couldn't. My brain wouldn't shut off and I was counting minutes until I could call to check on Chase.

I called Chase, he sounded fine but tired. I don't blame him! He was up later than he has ever been.

I went to the meeting for AB3632. It was supposed to be an evaluation of Chase, but obviously he wasn't there. I went anyway, as there was a ton of info that needed to be filled in etc. I never expected a Clinical Psychologist to treat me like a 12 year old... Oh and get this: the assessment can't get finished until the idiot doc meets Chase, but she "can't" go to the hospital to meet him because she can't bill for her time. I'm not a violent person, but.....

The next few hours are a blur of phone calls with every person on Chase's team, fax machines and voicemails.

I left to visit Chase at around 5pm, not knowing how long the drive would be since this is a brand new hospital for us. I got there early to find that this hospital is very different from the last one. I can't even really describe the differnce. I guess it will take time to get a feel for it. Chase cuddled with me, then we played games and worked a puzzle until visiting was over. He gave me a huge hug and as I approached the very end of the hallway, he yelled "I LOVE YOU MOMMY!" Try not to sob when you hear that as your leave your baby behind...

I came home and was short with my mom. I do not feel like socializing right now. It takes everything I have to keep from crying. If Chase isn't coming home soon, I'm gonna go back to work until he does come home. Distraction is good.

I apologize in advance to those of you that are reaching out to me right now. I am thankful, but unable to really accept emotional support. That sounds nuts. Maybe that's why I throw all of my feelings onto this stupid laptop. I don't have to see anyone's reactions to my words. I don't worry that someone might see me cry. I don't worry that anyone is judging me as they watch me fall apart.