Ashes to Ashes

A few updates before its time for my "therapy."

Chase went with Rick, Uncle Kevin and Uncle Adam to Yuba City for the week. He comes home on tuesday. I'm so happy that they did this for him. Chase does so well when he's one on one with an adult, especially a male. Rick is such a positive male role model for Chase. We are so blessed. Even my dad told Rick how thankful he is that Chase has him.

Aimee is spending the night at my mom's house for the first time in probably 8 months (since my dad got really sick.) My mom will watch her tomorrow when I go to work.

We decided on a place for my dad's memorial celebration and I think its perfect. Email me if you want details.

Therapy Time:

I was doing okay today. Even though I knew that today we would be spreading my dad's ashes, I was doing okay.

And then I walked in my mom's (and dad's?) house. I went into their room. Something was missing. No - Not my dad. That one is WAY too obvious. My dad's white velcro shoes were not sitting neatly next to the bed. As I looked around the room I realized that they were gone. I crumbled to the floor sobbing about some stupid velcro shoes. My mom came in and hugged me on the floor. She told me that she didn't get rid of the shoes, that she put them in his closet. That didn't help.

Please don't think I'm a freak that thinks everything should be left as it was, as if my dad will be walking through the front door. But I'm not ready for such a tangible sign that he is really gone.

Fast forward a few hours. We [immediate family] went out on the water somewhere on a floating vessel with my dad's ashes. As we poured them (very legally of course), into the water the song "Amazing Grace" was playing in the background. After the ashes were in the water (far far away in a legal spot) my mom put a bouquet of flowers in the water. It was done exactly as my dad had hoped. So where is this closure that everyone says comes with that moment....

If anyone knows of any bible verses that might help me right now, please send them my way. I'm in such a deep place that I don't even know where to look.