Parenting is about making decisions. Starting from the moment of conception. For me there was a choice to be made about whether or not I was capable at 19 years old of being a mom. No real dilemma for me, it would be hard but I knew I could be a mom. From that point on, the decisions are smaller but just as life altering. Most recently the decision of medications and hospitalizations etc.
Fast forward to the present time. I am watching my son start spinning off into what I know is a world full of psychosis, mania and aggression. ::::Warning::: metaphor coming... Its as if we are standing in a light mist of rain. I see the clouds getting darker and the rain slowly increasing. Chase is headed in a direction and all I can do is hold his hand and pray. We can stand in the rain and be ok, until the flooding begins and then we can't get dry. Once things get that bad, there is no decision to be made. Doctors/therapists etc will make it for me. But the flooding always causes damage that lingers long after the sun comes out.
Am I just waiting and stalling so I don't have to make the decision?
I know my son. The storm is coming. Its my job to keep BOTH of my kids safe. No matter what.
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You may be waiting. You may be stalling. BUT, that doesn't mean you are making the wrong decision. Keep your head up and let your face get rained on... it's also the best way to see the sun. (Ha, there you go. I got a metaphor in there too.)
ReplyDeleteHugs AROUND both you and Chase.
ReplyDeleteI'm not afraid of the rain. I'm not afraid of the storm. I'll stand with you until the sun comes back out again and beyond.
Amy
Logan's Mommy