biology?

I often hear about mentally ill children experiencing a "honeymoon phase." The first few days at a new school or in a psych hospital can go smoothly until a child gets used to the environment and really settles in....and then all hell breaks loose. However, that is one phenomenon to which I cannot relate. I think Chase skipped that chapter in the "How to Train Your Parents" Handbook.

Having never experienced a honeymoon period with Chase, I can only be hopeful that things are still going smoothly because he is experiencing some real stability. Chase came home on Wednesday afternoon. It is now Saturday night and not once have I had to call for backup. Not once have I worried for anyone's safety. Chase completed two great days at school and worked on his homework with minimal fuss.

I often get asked if Chase can "grow out of his bipolar." There simply are not enough long term studies at this point. (But keep an eye out for Dr. Janet Wozniak in Boston since she is really pioneering those studies) What I do know for sure is that Chase's illness has changed and continues to change as he matures. How much of that is biology and how much of that is medication? Who knows. I also have to remind myself that nearly every environment that Chase is placed in has some therapeutic element to it. He is constantly reminded of coping skills and surrounded by people that are educated on how to help Chase help himself. So maybe his reduction in rages and violence is based on biology, or maybe Chase is being forced to learn how to control those behaviors. I honestly don't know the answer. I do know that the Lord has a hand on my sons heart and is helping him along the way.

A new friend of mine, Di, asked me if I would ever consider going into the Mental Health field. I love the kids I work with. All of "my kids" at juvenile hall are labeled as criminals. But the majority of them are damaged beyond words. If they weren't mentally ill before, they are now suffering from PTSD stemming from horrific abuse. I work with kids who have never been able to trust an adult. I think that I am exactly where I need to be.

But Di really got me thinking. Someday, no hurry, I would like to be an advocate for kids and families dealing with mental illness. I'm good at being the squeaky wheel when I need to be and I obviously have the passion for it. People like Di are the reason I keep this blog public despite the risks. We are not alone and we really need to stand together for our children. And sometimes when we are tired of standing, another mom lets us lean on them until we get our strength back.

my boyfriend and pics

Wednesday had a little more in mind than I had planned! My boyfriend has been encouraging me to let his son meet Chase. For a year. I've put it off because I know that once our boys meet, our relationship will evolve into something much more serious. But on wednesday, they met. It was amazing to watch a friendship grow so quickly. Within hours, they were both making up silly names for us (boyfriend and I) and were playing "keep away" with the football. It felt right. The boys sat next to each other and ate their lunches while talking about sports and school. I think I need to stop being so scared. God placed this man in my life for a reason. (I can see Meredith and Kristie nodding as they read this.....)

• He loves me and accepts me for who I am...including my millions of flaws.
• He actually *likes* some of my flaws.
• He loves my children.
• He takes off work to be with them when they are sick and I HAVE to go to work.
• He is comfortable with my family even when they are total weirdos.
• He makes me feel beautiful every day.
• He does stuff he isn't comfortable with, just to spend time with the weirdos. (Swimming, skiing)
• His life revolves around his son.
• And what makes me so sure that I love this man is that he is the kind of man my children can trust and look up to.

Chase and I had a blast at the Jelly Belly Factory this week

Chase and his best friend, A. Chase is the one wearing the hat and looking completely content. (Meanwhile, our poor doggie Sara was in the room behind that door getting her anal glands emptied.)

Longer update plus pictures!

Got my laptop out tonight to write a real update for the week. Typing on my ipod thing is a lot harder than it should be.

More basketball games/practices. (thanks so much meredith) Chase loves it and when he's in the mood, he is focused and happy. Today he was a little "zombie-like" during the game though.

Chase has been included in tons of football games on our street with mostly middle school kids. He gets roughed up pretty good but is getting the hang of it and feels "cool" that the older kids let him play.

My friend that I have been praying for and worried about, is officially on her 4th day of sobriety. I'm so proud to say that. Even though I don't know about her struggles from personal experience, I hope to be there for her.

Here's a doozy for you.... Chase got mad while wrestling with another kid in the street. I told Chase to stop wrestling and he looked at me, said some cuss words and took off down the street. Once I caught up to him, I had to literally carry him home and then put him in a basket hold until he calmed down. Called MRT and they came out to talk us through the rest of the evening.

My boyfriend and I are trying to make all of this work. To inter-twine our hectic lives. I know he loves me and loves my kids. But there's more to it than just that. Thats a story for another day.

Goodnight.