This is all a lot for one person to handle. 99% of the time I can keep it together. I have a feeling that this will be a long blog....so get in and buckle up for one heck of a ride.
I crawled in bed with my daddy tonight. he's been pretty delerious all day. Nothing he was saying was making sence, and his eyes seemed as if they were so tired that he could hardly lift his eyelids. As hard as it is to watch my daddy die in front of my own eyes, I have to keep it in perspective (as my mom says.)
Some people are at work one day and are told their dad was killed in a car accident. Things that wanted to be said never had the chance to get said. They don't get to cuddle in their daddy's arm and listen to him breathing. I am so thankful for this.
I am also thankful for the relationship I have with my dad. It was a real rollercoaster growing up with him. He has an awful temper, can be just a TAD stubborn. But my daddy taught me love, compassion, and that all things are possible.
Tonight, as I lay in bed next to my dad, he opened his eyes, look right at me and said "Hi punkin." I started crying. He pulled me close to him and rubbed my arm while saying "Somehow it [my life] will all work out." I told him to watch over Chase from above. Chase really needs an angel. I told him I will take care of mom. I looked up at him and tears were streaming down his wrinkled face and collecting at the top of his oxygen nose thing.
I get anxious just knowing that my mom is at their big house taking care of my dad all alone. I feel like I should be there. I have papers for Family Medical Leave. I don't have a ton of vacation time left though. Should I take the time off to be there with my parents now, or do I wait until he passes and then take the time off. I could really use your opinions.
I haven't mentioned to Chase that the end is getting closer for his grandpa. I think he can sense it though. Chase has improved a little bit. I will talk with his doctors in the morning and hope to meet with them before I go to work.
Ann ,the nanny starts tomorrow. That reminds me that I need to go get some groceries. Now that I've written so much that you are probably just seeing spots, I'm going to bed.
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I am a supervisor, so I deal with these issues all the time. Make sure that you understand your benefits. The only thing that FMLA guarantees is that you'll have a similar job to return to once you do return to work. FMLA is usually unpaid. If you have sick days, or short or long term absense those may part you all or a % while you are out under FMLA.
ReplyDeleteAlso FMLA can only be used to care for an ILL relative. It does not apply once they pass away. That would be Beraevement leave in most companies (if they even have it).
The other thing with FMLA is that it is cumulative over a 12 month rolling period. And its 12 weeks total. So if you take 4 weeks with your Dad now, and then something happens that you have to stay home with Chase for 4 weeks. And then before 12 months has gone by you have to miss another6 weeks for Chase, your FMLA is used up and they can let you go.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with so many hard things at once. Have you thought about applying for SSI Disability for Chase?
1st- you got very good advice concerning FMLA, or at least how it works.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing Kristen. You are so sweet and loving with your dad; he already knows but... it is sometimes hard to show these emotions at the 'end'. It hurt me to even write that word. It makes me happy you were able to work out possible differences from your childhood. You will always be grateful. I am here for you but am so glad you have many friends and family there to support you.
Poor Chase... I hope and pray this med change helps.... and that the depression leaves. When I was looking at the last pics you posted, his eyes looked sad :( Sometimes it is hard to keep everything going, ya know. You are on an emotional ride that is pulling you in so many directions. Try to take one hour at a time.
Lovessss
Julie - I did apply for SSDI for Chase but was denied. We were able to get Medi-Cal, but with a $3500 share/month. As far as FMLA is concerned, I'm technically on FMLA intermittantly (I know I spelled that wrong). But the FMLA is technically because of Chase, per his doctors, not my dad. Oh and I work for the County, not sure if that changes any of the benefit stuff? I really appreciate your support and advice.
ReplyDeleteJosh,
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to even say about your kind words. I am doing the best I can, and although I often feel like its not "enough," I just keep praying that things will start to look up.
I am so thankful for my family and friends. Ironically enough, I think Chase gives me such strength to deal with my dad. Chase reminds me that you can have compassion, even when you are suffering.
Thank you.
Just to make sure you understand, FMLA doesn't start over per family member or per incident. So you are already collecting days for Chase, and they count back 12 months. So you might find out how many days you've used and how many you have left. Any time you take for your father will be added to the time already used for Chase.
ReplyDeleteI'd keep trying for the SSDI. There are lawyers out there who can help you that specialize in it. Not sure what the costs would be, but it wouldn't hurt to make some phone calls. Most lawyers do a free initial evaluation.